Friday, October 25, 2013


The forest was thick and dark, an owl hooted at the far side of the bushes as it gazed at me from the branch of the tree. My legs had begun to ache and my eyes teared up a little when I realized that I wasn’t close to Lagos at all, instead I had ended up walking further into the bushes. Stamping my foot on the ground like a spoilt child, I cry;
“No be direction I follow so? Why I dey enter inside bush na? Na wetin be dis one wey pesin don land herself so? Lagos! Lagos! If you kno say you no want Senorita, talk am now ooo! Lagos shebi you dey hia me so?” I shout, my hand tugging my left ear in a form of warning.
“Lagos want u….” A creepy voice said behind me.
I startled and turned to face the intruder, it was a man so short that I had to bend to look at him.
“Who be you?” I ask.
“Lagos.” He replied.
“You? Lagos?” Despite my present state, I laughed loud and hard.
“Wetin dey make you laugh? No be you dey call me?” The man called Lagos asked.
“Why I go dey call you?” I ask.
“I hear Lagos for ya mouth now now…” He replies.
“Na you be Lagos?” I ask getting annoyed.
The man looked at me for an instant and threw his head back in laughter. This singular action of his made me angrier as I hissed and started walking away.
“Wia you dey go?” He asked me.
“Lasgidi ofcourse!” I replied.
“Whish one be Lasgidi… no be Lagos u dey so.”
I hiss and continue walking away when I feel a magnetic pull fasten me to the ground, I struggle frantically and try hard to release myself but the more I get fastened.
“Wetin you dey do me so? Who be you? You don use charm catch me for hia abi?” I scream.
He walks up to me and stands right before me, smiling and smirking in delight.
“Run na….wia you be wan run go?”
“Release me…you be witch?” I shout.
“You no see sign board for road? D sign board talk; ‘LAGOS A PLACE OF NO RETURN’ abi you no dey see road?”
“Na lie…I no see lagos a place of no return…wetin I see be ‘This way to Lagos.’” I retort.
“Heeheehaa…you don reach de Lagos wia you dey find, why you dey shout now?”
“Lagos na place wia pesin dey live.” I spit at him and look at  bush irritatingly. “This no be Lagos”
“Omoge…dis place na Lagos and my name be Lagos. You dey call my name wen you enter dis place and you go live hia with me. Shebi you grab?”
“Ahh lai lai…I no fit live for dis bush! A whole Senorita wey dey ready to paint Lagos to sure levels…I no fit live hia.”
“See ya mouth…chai…I get luck sha…see fine girl wey enter my dormot so.” The man said smacking his lips and wagging his tongue.
“Kai…no touch me! No use dat ya hand touch my fine body…” I warn.

“If I touch am nko? Wetin you go do?”
“Touch am na…touch am…if my mama and her witch people no go kee you for hia.”
“Hehehe omoge…abeg I wan see ya mama…I fit even take opportunity ask am make I marry you.”
He reaches out and touches my hand and I cringe, then his beefy palms caress my face. ‘This is not what I want for myself’, I scream inwardly, ‘what have I got myself into?’
“Mama! Make you come save ya pikin now ooo.” I scream loudly, knowing fully well that my mother is no witch and I was just trying to fool him.”
The man’s eyes lit up and he starts dancing around in circles, singing loudly and chanting in a tongue too difficult to understand.
“Mama! Mama!” I screamed and coughed.
“Dis one wey me and witch go fight today…abi you don see babalawo and witch wen dem dey fight? Na me go kee ya mama.” The man said laughing in glee.
I had to stop deceiving myself, my mother would be at the village either sleeping or warming her legs by the fire, the poor woman had never seen witchcraft before and was always terrified of hearing witchcraft tales.
“Oga abeg release me…make I go…na dokitor I find come abeg.” I plead.
“You no call ya mama again?”
“No…e be like say she don sleep.”
“Ahh…witch dey sleep again?
“No…I mean…dem dey sleep. She fit don fly tire for aftanun. Abeg oga make I go….na doki I find come.”
“Me sef I be doki” The man said.
“No be dat kind…I dey talk about dockitor…dat one wey dey hospital for Lagos.”
“Close ya mouth…e no get dockitor wey big pass me.” He said.

I feel like dying because for the first time in the last hour, I know that I am trapped and can do nothing about it. I had been smart all along until now, I had outsmarted the 419 gang who had initially created a fa├žade with the modeling agency, I had escaped from my madam’s house, the prison, psychiatric facility, the booth of the driver’s car but now, in the space of one hour, I have managed to be trapped by one man who’s head hardly measured above my knees.
“Oga abeg make I go…dis no be Lagos na…oga abeg.”
“You go go.” The man replied.
“Thiank you sir.” I answer gratefully still trying to release myself from the invisible grip holding me down to the ground.
“But you go do something for me…” The man supplied.
“Anything sir…”
“You go born pikin for me after you don born finish, I go release you.”
My eyes widen in shock and turning my gaze to face the sky, I shout.

“Baba wey dey up…I don enter kurukere waka and na only you fit hia me…abeg come down!”

Friday, October 11, 2013


I stood at the reception looking hastily at the time and wondering why I hadn’t seen him yet. Atleast to say goodbye. Doctor has been so good to me and after the dream I had of him, I longed for him more and more. I tapped my foot impatiently and was startled by a voice behind me, turning sharply I stare at the person who addressed me.
“Aren’t you going home? Or do you want to live here?” The nurse asked.
“I dey sorry ma…na my dockitor I dey wait for so.”
“What doctor?” The nurse asks.
“Dr. Gerald…” I reply.
“Why are you waiting for him? You have been cleared so, go home.”
“I must to see am before I comot.” I say stubbornly.
“And why is that? do you have an appointment?”
“I no need aplointimen to see my dockitor.”
“Your doctor? What’s that supposed to mean? Dr, Gerald has no personal patients.”
“Na me be him persina pantient.” I reply.
“Go home and stop crowding the waiting area.”
“You no fit tell me wetin I go do, na my dockitor I dey wait so and if you don talk finish, abeg carry yansh pass dat door.”
“Do you have a crush on him?” The nurse asks in surprise.
“I never crush am before.” I reply.
“Do you like him?”
“I wan marry am.” I reply boldly.
The nurse stares at me in disbelief and laughs out loud, I ignore her and fold my hands still waiting patiently.
“Wait a minute…are you not the one that woke up everyone from their sleep with your dream some weeks back? Wait…I can’t believe it….do you mean the doki you were calling in your sleep is Dr. Gerald? Oh my God…wonders shall never cease.”
“Madam nurse…I never give you word ooo, why you dey laugh for me na?” I ask, building up in anger.
The nurse continues laughing till tears fall down her cheeks.
“Abeg ooo…you patients will not kill me. You have been discharged for hours yet you sit and wait for a man that will never be yours.”
“Who talk am? Na you be God? You know wetin God don plan for pesin so?”
“My dear…take my advice, drop those fantasies of yours. Dr. Gerald has all the nurses on this block moaning after him…all of them are clean girls ooo with taste, education, class and quality, not people like you and yet, he doesn’t look our way.”
“Na una problem na…una no fine like me.”
The nurse grips her stomach and laughs loud, tears spill from her cheeks and fall to the ground, another nurse rushes to meet us.
“Can I join in? It’s obvious you’re having fun.” The nurse says.
“Nurse Lilian…” The nurse who I had been speaking with, spoke with laughter in her voice. “This girl won’t kill me, she is in love with Dr. Gerald.”
“What???” Nurse Lilian exclaimed and joined her fellow nurse in laughter.
“My dear, some people just don’t get it. Look at the rag of a girl who wants the Doctor for herself. Someone who, all of us put together never hooked. Can you imagine?”
“Hasn’t she been discharged? Isn’t it time she left the facility?” Nurse Lilan asked.
“Yes ooo, but she’s waiting for the love of her life.” The Nurse replied laughing.
They burst out laughing. I stood there, feigning nonchalance at their words when deep down it was eating me alive. What did they mean by all what they said? Wasn’t I beautiful enough? I turned to stare at the laughing nurses again and somehow, reality dawned on me, they were clean looking ladies, had lovely accents and they had many things I didn’t. The first nurse mentioned education, was it a criterion? Do I need an education to have doctor Gerald all to myself? What of taste? Am I to be tasted too? I really didn’t understand.
“Nurse Lilan let’s get back to work and leave the girl to her dreams, look at someone with no scruples, no taste or class…hmmm wonders shall never cease.”
The nurses left me at the entrance, laughing and snickering. I wasn’t about to give up, I didn’t come to Lagos to get intimidated. Minutes after they left, Dr.Gerald walks into the waiting area. I see him and run to him with joy written on my face.

“Dockitor.” I say.
“Hello Senorita, what a pleasant surprise!”
I smile sheepishly and bat my eyelashes.
“I heard you have been discharged, congratulations.” The doctor said.
I smile again and looked at him with sultry eyes. Dr.Gerald seemed confused, he stares at me again, smiles and says;
“Okay dear, I have to get to work.”
I stand rooted to the spot ‘what was I to say?’ My mouth couldn’t form the words but my heart could and as the nurses had said, ‘nothing moves this man’ I might as well as find my way out of this place. The doctor turns to walk away but was halted by Musa one of the messengers.
“Oga make I carry ya car go wash…” Musa offered.
“Oh…yes, thank you. Here are the keys, please make sure the tires are washed with plenty of water, the roads were too bad today.”
“Yes sir.” The driver said and dashes off.
The doctor waves at me and walk into the facility in easy strides, my legs remained glued to the ground. My mind told me to chase him but my feet didn’t budge. Quietly I walk out of the facility but stopped short when I saw Musa preparing to wash one of the cars. I knew it was his car because he had just given Musa the keys a few moments ago. Musa hastily ran with an empty bucket to the tap which stood some miles away. I walk to the car, touching the smooth panes of the powerful vehicle, I had just glided my palms to the back of the car when I realized that booth was open. Realization surged through me and I acted fast, hurriedly I pushed open the booth of the car and climbed into it, pulling the lid down though not slamming it shut but leaving enough air to enable me breathe.
Musa comes back moments later with the bucket of water and instead of washing the car, he cleans it. I hold my breath and pray that he doesn’t open the booth to find me lying in there. Ten minutes later he was done. It was as though my prayers weren’t going to be answered as Musa started opening the doors wide and banging them shut as though he was playing a game, his footsteps neared the booth area and I held my breath but a nurse shouts his name.
“Ma!” He answers and scrambles away, not after he had slammed the booth of the car shut, leaving me in complete darkness and with little air to survive.

“Shio…” I whisper into the darkness.
I think I fell asleep because I woke up when the engine purred to life, smiling inwardly, I felt the car pull away from its parked space and glide away. We really didn’t encounter traffic on the way and I was happy to be with my doctor atlast. The ride took too long and I knew that it was nearing evening. Even though I never knew the exact time we left, I knew we would have left at some hours after noon. ‘Why was the doctor driving too fast?’ I asked myself as my head spun in dizziness. My stomach growled and rumbled and I threw up in the booth of the car, promising myself that I’d wash it as soon as we get to his place. I feel sick and doze off again, waking up hours later when the car slowed down to a stop. I hear voices and smile as I try to stretch my already limp muscles in the booth.
Suddenly, cold air hits my face as the booth opens and the man who opens the booth shouts in shock.
“Who be dis? Wetin you dey do for hia?” The man asks.
I study the man before me who bore no resemblance to my doctor and speak weakly,
“Na dockitor I follow come.” I reply.
“Which dockitor…chei…dis gial wan land me for trouble. Na wia you for see my moto? Abi you be witch?” The man asks in fear.
“Nooo I no be witch oga, na wen Musa dey wash dockitor moto, me come use opportunity, enter am.”
“Dockitor? Abegi…no land me for wahala…comot for this moto kia kia.”
I come out from the car and stare into the darkness of the night.
“Na dockitor I dey find so.” I say.
“Gerrout of hia…dis no be any dokitor place. Na my madam mama I go carry from Lagos ooo, she been dey facility for two years, dis na de first time she dey return. Dem wan start party for inside and if dem know say you enter booth follow me reach house ehn…my own don finish.” The man exclaims.
“Wait ooo…which wan be say, you carry ya madam mama come from Lagos? No be Lagos be dis?” I ask.
“Which kain? Na Sagamu we dey so.” The man says.
“Oga talk true…na wia we dey again?” I repeat my question.
“You don deaf? I say na Sagamu we dey…”
“Senorita oooo….yeeeeeehhh!” I scream.
“Shurrup….oya comot for hia.” The man orders, pushing me away from the car.

“Wetin I do myself now…Lagos wey I struggle come so. For seven years I save money come Lagos, na so e no even reach one day, pesin carry me comot for promise land.” I cry, stamping my foot on the ground.
“Abeg…go outside. No be for hia you go regret ya waka. I no want make my madam see you.”
The man pushed me out to the gate, shoving me outside and into nowhere. I stood there, scared, tired and hungry, all because of my love for Dr. Gerald. I knew I had been stupid, Musa had a lot of cars to wash and I entered the wrong one ‘how was I going to get back to Lagos?’ I asked myself.
The night was cold and unwelcoming, I looked up to see a signboard which read: ‘This way to Lagos’ and a surge of pure hope filled my heart, little did I know that not all places called Lagos were really Lagos. Sighing in resignation, I prepared my mind mentally for the walk back to the city of Gold, murmuring under my breath;

“Lagos na me get am…I no fit to leave am lie lie.”