Monday, July 22, 2013

Miracle baby II

It was a rough morning for me and I had had a worse night. I dragged my feet to the kitchen in attempt to make breakfast but surprise couldn’t have been more registered in my head as I saw that my Oga had beat me to the kitchen.
“Taink you sir.” I murmur words of gratitude as I watch him whisk eggs, obviously he was tired of my badly cooked meals.
“I don’t need your thanks; go and bathe Pat and prepare him for daycare.” He said as regards his son.
“Yes sir.”
“Here is five hundred naira, please take a taxi.”
“Okay sir.” I say and still stand there looking at him.
“Why are you still here? Go and bathe my son and take him to school.” He shouts.
“Chai Oga, I dey look the miracle wey ya son do for ya life, no be yesterday you be wan die sake of say I kiss you. Infact that boy great sha.”
“Let me warn you; never ever try what you did yesterday again, even if I have to cheat on my wife I choose them classy and refined. Besides Pat never performed any miracle, he was smart enough to get me an inhaler when I needed it, that’s what!”
“I no understand wetin you dey talk…I no even believe say, na my kiss wan kee you sef.”
“Senorita or whatever you call yourself, leave this kitchen and go prepare my child for daycare now!”
“Why you dey shout? Na wah ooo. I just wan tell you say, you fit use Pat make money… plenty money. People wey dey find miracle boku for road.” I mutter.
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“No…nothing…e be like say you no understand wetin I mean, no worry, you go see am korokoro.” I say and saunter out of the kitchen.
I leave the kitchen then walk to Pat’s room where I wake him up and bathe him and dress him for school but school wasn’t on my mind as I carried the child out of the house and towards the backyard. I had something else in mind as I walked over to the clothes line and pulled out my wrapper.
I knew immediately I spread my wrapper on the ground at the bustop that something was going to happen, it wasn’t the sky which turned dark or the child I had placed on my wrapper who was weeping inconsolably, it was something else and I couldn't place a finger to it. My good luck I guess?
“Miracle baby….come see Lagos wonder ooo…” I shouted for all to hear, while clapping my hands in the process and dancing around.
My Oga’s child thrashed on my wrapper in tears and fear as he couldn't understand what had gotten over me.
“Na ya pikin be dis?” One man asks me, he had just stepped out of a bus.
“Wetin dat one come consign you?” I spit in disgust.
People had begun gathering around us as the image of a young lady and a crying child had caught their attention.
“Dis baby dey do miracle…im fit comot sickness from ya body…with my korokoro eyes I don see am….na Lagos wonder be dis ooo live!” I continue to scream.
“I want miracle ooo how im go do am?” A lady asks.
“Just bring one thousand naira.” I reply.
Some people stare at me as though I had been drugged while others walk away, very few people delve into their pocket and fish out some loose change.
“I talk say na one thousand naira no be two hundred naira.” I chide them.
“Abeg joor…dis na de first time we dey see you for hia, how we go confirm say you be original.”
“Okay…just bring wetin you get.” I say as I collect the money and stuff it into my jeans pocket.
“Wetin you want?” I ask one man.
“I want make my shop dey big, I want make I become billionaire.”
“Oya talk to Pat…na im fit helep you.” I say.
The man turns to my Oga’s son who is still wailing and says.
“Oga Pat…abeg, na beg I dey so…helep me with business, if to say you do am for me ehn… I go surprise you.” The man says.
My Oga’s child continues to cry loudly.
“Why dis boy dey cry na? Abi e no wan work miracle again?” One woman asks.
“Leave am…na sake of say im no fit talk, e fit be say na cry e dey use dey do miracle.” I say.
"You sure?" Another woman asks.
"Wetin I know be say, dis boy miracle no be here ooo...yesterday for my front im papa be wan die, na dis shikere boy helep am ooo.." I supply.
People stared at me in awe as they digested my story of Pat's miracles.
The morning progressed to mid afternoon, by then, Pat was already tired and had fallen asleep while I had two pockets filled with money.
In attempt not to be greedy as my customers had reduced considerably, I hailed a taxi which took I and my Oga’s son to his daycare. As soon as I entered the daycare, I was confronted by one of the child minders.
“Where has he been? We tried calling his father’s phone but network is bad.”
“Ehyah…Pat go work miracle for bustop.” I say.
The child minder stare at me with confusion in her eyes, she stretches out her hands to hold Pat and frown once I deposit the child in her arms.
“What is going on? Is he sick? Why is he smelly and hot?” She asks.
“Dat one na ya tori…if for say I be im mama, I for don remove Pat from dis una school. Na dis one una go notice, if na de miracle wey im dey do, you no for know.”
The child minder stare at me again and carried Pat to his classroom, I look for a bench close to the gate post and lie down, determined to sleep before the daycare closes at two pm. I quietly ask the gateman for the time and he says it’s one twenty-one pm, I sigh in disbelief as I prepare to sleep quickly before his school closes for the day.

It’s needless to say that, the next day, instead of taking Pat to school, I continued to take my business from one bustop to the other and you won’t be surprised at the level of people Pat's miracles had drawn. The toll was taken on Pat as he was growing leaner by the day and falling ill too. The daycare minders were already pissed at the time I brought in my Oga’s child for school every day, it was either before school hours were over or long after school hours.  I didn’t care, as long as I was concerned, I was making big money for myself, the last time I counted, my money had summed up to twenty seven thousand naira and I was so happy with the results.
Friday morning was another bubbly day and as I prepared to take Pat to school, I hummed silently, a song I had learnt from my mother, it was  a song on hard work and the benefits of being a hard worker. I was jolted by the knock at my bedroom door; I ran to open it, only to see my Oga standing at my door with his son in his arms.
“Oga I be wan carry am go school.”
“It’s okay Senorita…there’s no need to take him to school today, he is not feeling too well.”
“Ehn? im well ooo Oga, nothing dey do am.” I say as I try to take the child from my Oga’s arms.
“He is not too well, I’ll take him to the hospital.” Oga said.
My money making venture was about to go with the wind and I couldn’t let that happen, I told myself. I watched as Oga carried his son out of the house and my mind suddenly struck on an idea. Running out of the house as though chased by wild dogs, I scream.
‘Oga…pesin just enter inside house now…” I say hysterically as I fall to the ground in mock tears.
“What? Who?” Oga asked in confusion.
“I no know ooo, I see am…e be like witch, na so im fly enter house.”
“Senorita…are you sure you are not hallucinating?”
“Sir? Na hallucin…wetin you call am? Abi you know de pesin?”
“No! I’m just wondering whether you’re imagining things.” Oga supplied.
“Ima wetin? Na im name be dat? Abeg ooo…go pursue am comot.”
“This is serious…who could that be? Are you sure about this? I am about to place a call to the police.”
“You sure say police go come quick quick? Dis kain pesin wey dey enter pesin house for korokoro morning get agenda ooo…na only you fit catch am. I don tell you say na witch.” I say to him.
Oga quickly hands his child over to me and taking a huge stick from the ground, he dashes into the house, I, in turn, break into a run with my Oga’s child in my arms. Pat begin to cry, obviously knowing that I was up to no good but I paid him no heed, I ran till I almost reached the bustop but was stopped in time. A couple in a car raced ahead of me and double crossed me at the road side.
“Young lady, where are you headed with that child?”
“Ahhh…na my Oga pikin…I dey carry am go daycare.” I say with a smile while panting breathlessly.
“Is that how children are taken to the daycare? It’s obvious the child is upset, his cries are loud enough to make anyone notice that he’s unhappy.”
I laugh and seeing a chance to market my business, I say;
“Una don see miracle pikin before? This baby na miracle ooo..”
“Oh…yes, every child is a miraculous gift from God.” The woman said impatiently.
“No be dat one ooo…dis pikin dey heal, e dey give money, e dey even cast devil comot, e no get wetin im no fit do.” I say trying hard to convince my prospective customers.
I got the questioning stare from the couple as they neatly killed their engine and stepped down from the car.
“Abeg tell us how dis pikin don work miracle for ya life.” The woman quickly switches to pidgin.
I smile and begin to download them with details, they lure me into their car and I sit and continue giving information, I start my story from the day Pat gave his father the inhaler to the present day. I could tell from the look in their eyes that they weren’t enthralled by my story. After my narrative tale, I coax a smile again and try alighting from their car with the baby in my arms.
“Don’t get up, stay there and you have the right to remain silent.” Said the man who produced a handcuff which he snapped on my wrists while the woman rescued Pat from my arms.
“Shio…wetin dis one come mean na….una wan use Pat make money abi?” I ask them accusingly.
“You are being charged for child abuse…”
“Abuse wetin…I curse am? No be miracle im dey do? Who una be sef? I curse am? See dis people, why una go talk say I abuse am. For my life lai lai, I never curse pesin.  Abeg leave me.” I shout drawing attention to myself as passersby stopped to stare at us.
“Give us the name of your Oga.” Said the woman.
“Una dey craze….” I hiss.
“Where is his house? Where do you live?” Asked the man.
At that moment, my Oga’s car slowed down  beside the vehicle I occupied and I watched as a very worried Oga stepped out of his car and walk towards us.
“Oga…see  this people ooo…abeg tell dem say Pat na miracle baby.”
Pat was happy to see his father and had already started calling out to him in babyish gibberish.
My Oga walked towards me and in anger, he gave me a resounding slap, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He exchanged pleasantries with the couple and took his son from the woman’s arms. He too was needed at the police station as the couple made that clear to him. He didn’t hesitate, instead he got into his car, ready to go with them.
“Who una be?” I asked the couple as they got into the car and kicked the engine to life.
“We are policemen.” They both echoed.
As the car I sat in pulled off the road, I stared at the couple seated at the front of the vehicle and sighed…
“Senorita…na wetin carry fish comot from water?  How police take find you for inside Lasgidi so?”

Wednesday, July 3, 2013


For the umpteenth time in my life, I stood humiliated, I couldn’t believe it! Oga stared at my body and hadn’t flinched in anyway. The pain was too hard to bear, wasn’t I good enough? Weren’t my hips bigger than those of his wife and mistress put together? I still stood and gazed at him in wonder while I felt the angry breath of his concubine heavily on my neck.
“Who the heck are you?” The woman shouted, sending me stares of bitterness and anger.
The words hung on my mouth as I took in short gasps of air, I had disgraced myself beyond words.
“Err…i…” I stammered, clearly scared and in confusion.
“Baby…this girl needs to be sacked.” The lady said, venom dripping from her voice.
“Sacked? She is the best thing that has ever happened to my wife. What do I tell my wife when she returns? That she packed her bags and left? C’mon baby…let’s not get into this.
“I won’t share you with anyone, least of all a common pathetic house help… see how she readily shed her clothes for you? She is not to be trusted, this girl is a temptress.”
“You know I only have eyes for you my love…no one else.” My Oga cooed.
“That’s what you said when your parents forced you to marry that stinking wife of yours…I can’t be your side chick forever. I need you with me permanently.” The lady whined.
I still stood there gazing at the ground and counting my toes, my body was already slick with sweat and glistening and despite the air-conditioning, I was hot.
“Will you get out of my sight?” Shouted my Oga in fury.
I scampered out of the sitting room leaving my heap of clothes where I shed them. As soon as I entered my room, I locked my door and did a little breathing exercise, my body shook like mango leaf. Unable to contain what had just happened in the sitting room, I walk to the full length mirror on the wall of my room and access myself.
Tall graceful body, fair skin, dark brows, full voluptuous figure, lovely round eyes….’what didn’t Oga like, in my figure?’ I asked myself while inspecting my body closely at the mirror. I sigh and ponder deeply, I had to make Oga want me but what do I do? Muttering loudly I say to my reflection.
“Oga never know you ooo…im tink say na pikin you be…e neva see you before in action…Senorita! You don land Lagos…abi you want make yawa gas for ya side? Na chick you be so!”
Nodding in excitement and remembering an old tune I used to sing as a child, I whistle and walk towards my wardrobe in an attempt to get a change of clothes.
Even after picking up my Oga’s child from daycare, Oga and his concubine were still locked up in the master bedroom. Throwing all thoughts of them behind me and concentrating on my plans to seduce my Oga, I hurriedly prepare lunch of yam and egg sauce, the delicacy wasn’t my strongest points as I cooked local foods better. Even after all the cooking tips my madam had taught me, I still poured dawadawa into the egg sauce for flavour. I set the table for Oga and his mistress and I hear their laughter ring as they close the bedroom door and step out into the dining room.
“What did you cook?” Oga’s mistress asks.
I ignore her completely; after hearing her conversation with Oga as regards my dismissal, I knew my madam had the final stay as regards my stay in the house and even my Oga had no say in my matter.
“Am I not talking to somebody?” The lady asks me again.
“Let her be baby…let’s eat and get back to where we left off.” My Oga crooned.
“No…I won’t. Who does this girl think she is?” The lady continued.
I remain mute and stare at her as though I didn’t understand a word of what she was saying.
“I’ve told you babe…let’s eat. Leave her alone, I’ll handle her later.” Oga said.
“No way! I can’t stay in this house with this girl…she has to leave.”
“Who will look after my child? You?” Oga spits in disgust.
“Are you talking to me in such rude tone?” His concubine challenged.
“This is my house and I make the rules here…that’s final.” Oga stated.
“Then I’d better leave.” The lady replied and turns to leave.
“Baby please don’t…you know we planned this for too long now… you’re the reason I took my annual leave at this time.” Oga whined.
“That’s crap…all these while, I have taken insults but none has ever been as grievous as this. I have to leave, when you want me, you know where to find me.” The lady says and walks away.
My Oga sits on the dinning chair, with his head in his hands; I smile to myself and silently applaud my genius. Oga’s mistress walks out of the bedroom with her bag in hand and giving the both of us a short glance, she storms out of the house. ‘Action time’ I say to myself.
“Oga…” I called.
The man sitting before me didn’t reply, his head was still in his hands.
“Taink you…” I said.
This caught his attention and he looked up at me in distaste.
“What was that for? You sent away  my love and you have the guts to say thank you.” Oga spat.
This was the moment I had been waiting for, opportunity comes but once, there is nothing like a needy helpless man in distress and a Senorita ready to the rescue. I walk up to him and quietly touch his shoulder, he quickly shrugs me off.  Refusing to be daunted and remembering my moves of old, I quickly jump on the unsuspecting man, hugging the life out of him and forcing his lips to meet mine. For a second, I think he responded till while my lips were firmly locked with his, I willed myself to open my eyes and stare at his face. I was shocked; my Oga was turning pale and faint, ‘was it my kiss or what?’ I asked myself desperately as I kissed him harder expecting him to respond positively; instead Oga bucked beneath my weight and fell with the chair. I jumped up in fear and watched my tall, domineering and handsome boss struggle to catch his breath. His breath came out in sharp spurts and emitted a kind of choking noise, he clutched his chest in panic and stared at me weakly.
“Na my kiss wan give you stroke so?” I ask as I stare at Oga in disbelief. “You no open mouth well na…if for say you open mouth well, e for no do you like dis.” I continue.
“Get….me…” Oga said, painfully trying to speak.
“Heee…I don die ooo…Senorita! Na you do man dis kain tin?” I wail and run to his side.
“In…inha…inhaler!” Oga cried out.
I didn’t understand, I kept wailing and calling the names of my ancestors in my native tongue.
“Oga…na me do you dis? My own don finish….” I keep wailing.
“In…ha…inhaler…get…my….in…haler.” Oga kept saying.
I didn’t understand.
“Wetin you talk? Oga talk am again abeg…In… wetin?” I continue.
Oga was tired of speaking, he closed his eyes in pain and held his chest as he tried standing up but couldn’t, obviously he was in great agony. I stare at him helpless and dash into the kitchen in search of nothing, I pick up the kitchen knife but drop it again then an idea came to mind as I open the freezer and taking an ice bucket, I filled it up with ice and ran back to the dinning.
“Oga…I carry block come.” I say as I drop the bucket beside him and scooping the ice, I pour some on his hurting chest.
Oga almost had a heart attack, his wheezing rose from grade one to twenty as he stared at me in confusion and alarm. Another idea came to mind as I quickly rush to the table and getting the huge plate of food, I urge him to eat.
“Oga…na work I come so… I sorry say, I wan make we do jolly join body…before madam travel, she tell me say, make I dey give you food wella. Abeg incase you wan die…just open mouth chop small food so if madam ask me if I feed you before you waka go heaven I go tell am say, you chop yam and egg sauce.” I say as I force the yam and egg sauce into his mouth.
Oga was alarmed, he felt weak and quite faint but struggled against the pressure of my hand which tried to force his mouth open.
Suddenly, I hear the tiny patter of footsteps as Oga’s child had woken up from sleep and had walked into the dining room.
“Pat…abeg…no come here…your papa wan die.” I cry as I turn to address the young child who hadn’t mastered his way around speaking.
The boy gave me a confused stare and walked away, heading towards his father’s room.

“Oga…ya pikin get sense …abeg who im resemble? See as I tell am say you wan die, he no even fear…e just waka comot.” I say as I try to force the yam down a struggling Oga’s throat.
Almost immediately the footsteps sounded again and Oga’s child quietly walked towards us and kneeling beside his father, he handed him a small item. Oga quickly took it and used it, I watched in awe as the thing brought out air and Oga inhaled it deeply, taking in short breaths at intervals. Quietly he began to regain himself and pushing me out of his side, he stood to his feet and gazed at me in disbelief. Shaking his head in pity, he held out his hand to his child and the both of them walked out of the dining room. I sat confused, the morsel of yam still in my palm, shrugging quietly, I say to myself.
“Shio…dis wan don heavy for my eye so! See miracle pikin for action…pesin fit use this pikin make money ooo! Senorita you don see sometin for Lagos!