All charges dropped

I looked at the small wall before me and counted the days with the tip of my fingers and tongue; it was day five and I had little or no chance to being let out of the tiny hell hole I had gotten myself into. From my sitting position, I could hear the voices from the other cellmates as they screamed;

“Abeg Corporal…release!” They cried.

This wasn’t the first time I was visiting a prison cell, I remember visiting one at a very young age, then, it was my father who was locked up for disturbing the peace of the village, other times were my brothers who had been locked up for one crime or the other.

 I wanted to scream and beg as the rest but couldn’t as my throat almost cracked up from thirst. I stood up from the ground and walked up to the huge metallic rail which separated me from freedom and stared. Police officers walked about and they spoke loudly as well, mostly ordering some cell mates to keep quiet. I was left in my small cell alone unlike other inmates who were locked up in groups. Opening my mouth for the first time in a long while, I coughed and spoke;

“Abeg, I fit see water drink for here?”

One of the policewomen who stood closer to my cell spat;

“Yes na…go buy am for outside.”

“Aunty Corporal abeg… I never chop since yesterday. Na dat beans wey I wack for the other night I still carry so.”

“You never see nothing! Child abuse and human trafficking na the biggest crime for we country now…you never see anything.” The policewoman repeated.

“Aunty I no traffic, I no abuse…why una dey talk all these thing…ehn? This no be the first time pesin dey yarn me yawa for dis same tori.”

The policewoman laughed and walked up to meet me, snorting to my face she said;

“Your Oga and Madam don gree say dem go lock you for hia, carry key troway…you never see nothing.”

My mouth stood open as I stared at her in fear and confusion, at that point I heard a loud voice at the counter, I recognize the voice because I have heard it one too many times. It’s my madam, this was the first time I was hearing her voice after three whole weeks, she had obviously just returned from her trip.

“I want to see that disgusting pig! Who and what does she think she is? Hawking my child on the streets of Lagos, where is she?”

 “Madam, take it easy, this is not a place to show your fighting skills, this is a police station.” Said the policeman at the counter.

“Do you have children?” My madam asked, her face looking fierce.

“No…but I hope to, someday.” The policeman answered.

“Then you can never understand what I am going through. I came back from my trip to find out that my nanny has been hawking my child on the streets of Lagos and adding salt to my open wound, she almost killed my husband with her amateur plays at seduction…he told me everything.” My madam shouted screaming at the top of her lungs and beating her chest. “Senorita…if I don’t kill you then I am not who I am!”

“How dare you threaten her life, and in the police station too.” Shouted an offended policeman. “You too madam, are under arrest.”

“And you, police officer, are the biggest idiot on earth.” Madam snapped.

I heard the clink of the handcuffs as it slapped her wrists and I heard my madam’s protesting scream as she was hastily pushed towards my cell.

“You will pay for this; I will sue your bloody ass.” My madam swore.

To my surprise, the policeman nodded to the policewoman who had been speaking to me, and they opened my cell and pushed my madam inside, removing the handcuffs used on her in the process.

As soon as my madam entered my cell, I heard the cell door click and the chuckle of the policewoman, then I knew it was battle time. Madam didn’t even wait a second before she pounced on me, kicking, scratching and biting. I didn’t want to fight her back but the scratches were too much and besides, I had done her no wrong, the only thing I did was; make sure I exhibited her son’s talent to the world. I suddenly grew angry at her audacity to attack me and I roughly grabbed her legs and threw her down to the ground. I can swear I saw her eyes spin and I was scared that she would die from the fall but my fears were put to rest, she was fine.

I stared at her in pity as she struggled to sit up; the truth is; she shouldn’t have attacked me, I used to be a big fighter in my village days and was yet to be beaten till I landed in Lagos and was shown black and blue by Shade in Janet’s compound.

My madam seemed to calm down, she looked dazed and in shock, she sluggishly moved up against the wall and stared at me in confusion.

“You want to kill me now right? You hawked my son on the streets, you shamelessly tried to seduce my husband and now, you want to kill me. I should never have hired you.” She said.

“Abi you don talk finish?” I asked, when I saw that she was in no mood to answer, I continued; “I no hawk ya pikin…una no understand say the boy get talent..”

“Talent? Was it the reason you took him to different bustops everyday in a bid to make money? Mind you, I searched your room and found over twenty five thousand naira hidden under your mattress. Is this how you pay me for bringing you into my home?”

“So for de good wey I do, una no fit talk thank you. Ya pikin helep save im papa when him wan die… I see him talent come show de world, na bad I do una?” I started.

“My husband is asthmatic; it’s a condition that’s peculiar to some people. My son had been taught to give his father an inhaler whenever he needs it…are you that daft?”

I blinked my eyes, at first in confusion then later, in stupidity for I had been foolish all along and I had just understood what I should have known from the beginning.

“Una tell me say Oga get Rasthmatic?” I say, trying hard to defend myself.

“You triggered it…didn’t you? My husband told me…he told me how you pounced on him in a bid to kiss him and how he fought you off and was seized with asthma attack…my husband tells me everything.”

I was caught off guard by the last statement, ‘does he really?’ I asked myself.

“Madam…I know say, I for ask una before I carry una pikin comot for miracle, wetin I no know be say, why my kiss go give Oga rasthmatic.”

“Will you shut up? You kissed my husband and still have the guts to talk to me about it…you stink!” Madam spat.

“I know say I dey smell but I fine pass that sisi wey dey totori Oga when you travel.” I say.

My madam’s eyes widened like saucers.

“What did you just say? Senorita! What did you say?”

“Haba! No be you tell me say Oga dey tell you everything, why him no talk dis one?” I mutter.

“Wait a minute…I mean... he does tell me everything, or doesn’t he?” Madam spoke, more to herself than to me.

“Madam wetin I know be say… I wan comot for hia…if una no want me for una house again, make I go, no be for cell I wan stay, na Lagos hustle I come…” I was cut short by a man’s voice from the counter, without second guessing I knew it was Oga.

“How dare you lock my wife up with that swine?” Oga shouted.

“Don’t shout in a police station or I will lock you up too.” The policeman who had locked my madam up threatened.

My madam looked at me, this time, not with pride or haughtiness but in humility.

“Senorita…what woman?” She asks.

“Oga don come, abeg ask am yaself. I no want insult.” I say sounding hurt.

“Do you want the charges dropped against you? I can do that….just tell me what you know.”

“Charge? I charge you?” I snap, not understanding the meaning of charge in her context.

“No…it’s not that I mean I can release you from this cell if you tell me everything you know.”

I open my mouth wide for the first time and laugh.

“You…you wan release me…you wey dey for cell wan release me wey dey de same cell. I don even senior you for cell sef, if dem wan release pesin first…na me.” I say stupidly.

My madam looks at me in shock, she obviously couldn’t believe I was that foolish to think that she would be in the police cell for a longer time than myself.

“Senorita! I am the one who’s responsible for your being in the cell and I have the power to drop all charges against you.” Madam said calmly.

I laugh some more as I hear the footsteps of the policeman and Oga near the cell.

“You no get power to do anything.” I continue.

Oga and the policeman walk to the cell and the policeman fishes out the keys from his pocket and giving Madam a stern glare, he says;

“I hope you’ve learnt your lesson madam.” He says “You can go home now.”

My eyes widen I disbelief when I realize madam’s words were true; she was free to go.

“Madam I beg no leave me for here.” I plead tugging on to her skirt.

“Will you leave her alone? You swine!” Oga barked at me.

“She’s coming home with us.” Madam said.

I was shocked to the roots of my hair and so was my Oga who stared at his wife in disbelief.

“Sir, I would like to drop the charges and I am sure my husband wants to do the same.” Madam said, turning to face the policeman.

Oga’s mouth was open in shock but words didn’t emerge. As for me, I hugged myself in jubilation as I congratulated myself and kept muttering over and over again.

“Weldone Senorita! Weldone! Lagos go do you better, who sigh?”

Miracle baby II

It was a rough morning for me and I had had a worse night. I dragged my feet to the kitchen in attempt to make breakfast but surprise couldn’t have been more registered in my head as I saw that my Oga had beat me to the kitchen.

“Taink you sir.” I murmur words of gratitude as I watch him whisk eggs, obviously he was tired of my badly cooked meals.

“I don’t need your thanks; go and bathe Pat and prepare him for daycare.” He said as regards his son.

“Yes sir.”

“Here is five hundred naira, please take a taxi.”

“Okay sir.” I say and still stand there looking at him.

“Why are you still here? Go and bathe my son and take him to school.” He shouts.

“Chai Oga, I dey look the miracle wey ya son do for ya life, no be yesterday you be wan die sake of say I kiss you. Infact that boy great sha.”

“Let me warn you; never ever try what you did yesterday again, even if I have to cheat on my wife I choose them classy and refined. Besides Pat never performed any miracle, he was smart enough to get me an inhaler when I needed it, that’s what!”

“I no understand wetin you dey talk…I no even believe say, na my kiss wan kee you sef.”

“Senorita or whatever you call yourself, leave this kitchen and go prepare my child for daycare now!”

“Why you dey shout? Na wah ooo. I just wan tell you say, you fit use Pat make money… plenty money. People wey dey find miracle boku for road.” I mutter.

“What the heck are you talking about?”

“No…nothing…e be like say you no understand wetin I mean, no worry, you go see am korokoro.” I say and saunter out of the kitchen.

I leave the kitchen then walk to Pat’s room where I wake him up and bathe him and dress him for school but school wasn’t on my mind as I carried the child out of the house and towards the backyard. I had something else in mind as I walked over to the clothes line and pulled out my wrapper.

****

I knew immediately I spread my wrapper on the ground at the bustop that something was going to happen, it wasn’t the sky which turned dark or the child I had placed on my wrapper who was weeping inconsolably, it was something else and I couldn't place a finger to it. My good luck I guess?

“Miracle baby….come see Lagos wonder ooo…” I shouted for all to hear, while clapping my hands in the process and dancing around.

My Oga’s child thrashed on my wrapper in tears and fear as he couldn't understand what had gotten over me.

“Na ya pikin be dis?” One man asks me, he had just stepped out of a bus.

“Wetin dat one come consign you?” I spit in disgust.

People had begun gathering around us as the image of a young lady and a crying child had caught their attention.

“Dis baby dey do miracle…im fit comot sickness from ya body…with my korokoro eyes I don see am….na Lagos wonder be dis ooo live!” I continue to scream.

“I want miracle ooo how im go do am?” A lady asks.

“Just bring one thousand naira.” I reply.

Some people stare at me as though I had been drugged while others walk away, very few people delve into their pocket and fish out some loose change.

“I talk say na one thousand naira no be two hundred naira.” I chide them.

“Abeg joor…dis na de first time we dey see you for hia, how we go confirm say you be original.”

“Okay…just bring wetin you get.” I say as I collect the money and stuff it into my jeans pocket.

“Wetin you want?” I ask one man.

“I want make my shop dey big, I want make I become billionaire.”

“Oya talk to Pat…na im fit helep you.” I say.

The man turns to my Oga’s son who is still wailing and says.

“Oga Pat…abeg, na beg I dey so…helep me with business, if to say you do am for me ehn… I go surprise you.” The man says.

My Oga’s child continues to cry loudly.

“Why dis boy dey cry na? Abi e no wan work miracle again?” One woman asks.

“Leave am…na sake of say im no fit talk, e fit be say na cry e dey use dey do miracle.” I say.

"You sure?" Another woman asks.

"Wetin I know be say, dis boy miracle no be here ooo...yesterday for my front im papa be wan die, na dis shikere boy helep am ooo.." I supply.

People stared at me in awe as they digested my story of Pat's miracles.

The morning progressed to mid afternoon, by then, Pat was already tired and had fallen asleep while I had two pockets filled with money.

In attempt not to be greedy as my customers had reduced considerably, I hailed a taxi which took I and my Oga’s son to his daycare. As soon as I entered the daycare, I was confronted by one of the child minders.

“Where has he been? We tried calling his father’s phone but network is bad.”

“Ehyah…Pat go work miracle for bustop.” I say.

The child minder stare at me with confusion in her eyes, she stretches out her hands to hold Pat and frown once I deposit the child in her arms.

“What is going on? Is he sick? Why is he smelly and hot?” She asks.

“Dat one na ya tori…if for say I be im mama, I for don remove Pat from dis una school. Na dis one una go notice, if na de miracle wey im dey do, you no for know.”

The child minder stare at me again and carried Pat to his classroom, I look for a bench close to the gate post and lie down, determined to sleep before the daycare closes at two pm. I quietly ask the gateman for the time and he says it’s one twenty-one pm, I sigh in disbelief as I prepare to sleep quickly before his school closes for the day.

****

It’s needless to say that, the next day, instead of taking Pat to school, I continued to take my business from one bustop to the other and you won’t be surprised at the level of people Pat's miracles had drawn. The toll was taken on Pat as he was growing leaner by the day and falling ill too. The daycare minders were already pissed at the time I brought in my Oga’s child for school every day, it was either before school hours were over or long after school hours.  I didn’t care, as long as I was concerned, I was making big money for myself, the last time I counted, my money had summed up to twenty seven thousand naira and I was so happy with the results.

Friday morning was another bubbly day and as I prepared to take Pat to school, I hummed silently, a song I had learnt from my mother, it was  a song on hard work and the benefits of being a hard worker. I was jolted by the knock at my bedroom door; I ran to open it, only to see my Oga standing at my door with his son in his arms.

“Oga I be wan carry am go school.”

“It’s okay Senorita…there’s no need to take him to school today, he is not feeling too well.”

“Ehn? im well ooo Oga, nothing dey do am.” I say as I try to take the child from my Oga’s arms.

“He is not too well, I’ll take him to the hospital.” Oga said.

My money making venture was about to go with the wind and I couldn’t let that happen, I told myself. I watched as Oga carried his son out of the house and my mind suddenly struck on an idea. Running out of the house as though chased by wild dogs, I scream.

‘Oga…pesin just enter inside house now…” I say hysterically as I fall to the ground in mock tears.

“What? Who?” Oga asked in confusion.

“I no know ooo, I see am…e be like witch, na so im fly enter house.”

“Senorita…are you sure you are not hallucinating?”

“Sir? Na hallucin…wetin you call am? Abi you know de pesin?”

“No! I’m just wondering whether you’re imagining things.” Oga supplied.

“Ima wetin? Na im name be dat? Abeg ooo…go pursue am comot.”

“This is serious…who could that be? Are you sure about this? I am about to place a call to the police.”

“You sure say police go come quick quick? Dis kain pesin wey dey enter pesin house for korokoro morning get agenda ooo…na only you fit catch am. I don tell you say na witch.” I say to him.

Oga quickly hands his child over to me and taking a huge stick from the ground, he dashes into the house, I, in turn, break into a run with my Oga’s child in my arms. Pat begin to cry, obviously knowing that I was up to no good but I paid him no heed, I ran till I almost reached the bustop but was stopped in time. A couple in a car raced ahead of me and double crossed me at the road side.

“Young lady, where are you headed with that child?”

“Ahhh…na my Oga pikin…I dey carry am go daycare.” I say with a smile while panting breathlessly.

“Is that how children are taken to the daycare? It’s obvious the child is upset, his cries are loud enough to make anyone notice that he’s unhappy.”

I laugh and seeing a chance to market my business, I say;

“Una don see miracle pikin before? This baby na miracle ooo..”

“Oh…yes, every child is a miraculous gift from God.” The woman said impatiently.

“No be dat one ooo…dis pikin dey heal, e dey give money, e dey even cast devil comot, e no get wetin im no fit do.” I say trying hard to convince my prospective customers.

I got the questioning stare from the couple as they neatly killed their engine and stepped down from the car.

“Abeg tell us how dis pikin don work miracle for ya life.” The woman quickly switches to pidgin.

I smile and begin to download them with details, they lure me into their car and I sit and continue giving information, I start my story from the day Pat gave his father the inhaler to the present day. I could tell from the look in their eyes that they weren’t enthralled by my story. After my narrative tale, I coax a smile again and try alighting from their car with the baby in my arms.

“Don’t get up, stay there and you have the right to remain silent.” Said the man who produced a handcuff which he snapped on my wrists while the woman rescued Pat from my arms.

“Shio…wetin dis one come mean na….una wan use Pat make money abi?” I ask them accusingly.

“You are being charged for child abuse…”

“Abuse wetin…I curse am? No be miracle im dey do? Who una be sef? I curse am? See dis people, why una go talk say I abuse am. For my life lai lai, I never curse pesin.  Abeg leave me.” I shout drawing attention to myself as passersby stopped to stare at us.

“Give us the name of your Oga.” Said the woman.

“Una dey craze….” I hiss.

“Where is his house? Where do you live?” Asked the man.

At that moment, my Oga’s car slowed down  beside the vehicle I occupied and I watched as a very worried Oga stepped out of his car and walk towards us.

“Oga…see  this people ooo…abeg tell dem say Pat na miracle baby.”

Pat was happy to see his father and had already started calling out to him in babyish gibberish.

My Oga walked towards me and in anger, he gave me a resounding slap, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He exchanged pleasantries with the couple and took his son from the woman’s arms. He too was needed at the police station as the couple made that clear to him. He didn’t hesitate, instead he got into his car, ready to go with them.

“Who una be?” I asked the couple as they got into the car and kicked the engine to life.

“We are policemen.” They both echoed.

As the car I sat in pulled off the road, I stared at the couple seated at the front of the vehicle and sighed…

“Senorita…na wetin carry fish comot from water?  How police take find you for inside Lasgidi so?”

MIRACLE BABY, Part 1!

For the umpteenth time in my life, I stood humiliated, I couldn’t believe it! Oga stared at my body and hadn’t flinched in anyway. The pain was too hard to bear, wasn’t I good enough? Weren’t my hips bigger than those of his wife and mistress put together? I still stood and gazed at him in wonder while I felt the angry breath of his concubine heavily on my neck.

“Who the heck are you?” The woman shouted, sending me stares of bitterness and anger.

The words hung on my mouth as I took in short gasps of air, I had disgraced myself beyond words.

“Err…i…” I stammered, clearly scared and in confusion.

“Baby…this girl needs to be sacked.” The lady said, venom dripping from her voice.

“Sacked? She is the best thing that has ever happened to my wife. What do I tell my wife when she returns? That she packed her bags and left? C’mon baby…let’s not get into this.

“I won’t share you with anyone, least of all a common pathetic house help… see how she readily shed her clothes for you? She is not to be trusted, this girl is a temptress.”

“You know I only have eyes for you my love…no one else.” My Oga cooed.

“That’s what you said when your parents forced you to marry that stinking wife of yours…I can’t be your side chick forever. I need you with me permanently.” The lady whined.

I still stood there gazing at the ground and counting my toes, my body was already slick with sweat and glistening and despite the air-conditioning, I was hot.

“Will you get out of my sight?” Shouted my Oga in fury.

I scampered out of the sitting room leaving my heap of clothes where I shed them. As soon as I entered my room, I locked my door and did a little breathing exercise, my body shook like mango leaf. Unable to contain what had just happened in the sitting room, I walk to the full length mirror on the wall of my room and access myself.

Tall graceful body, fair skin, dark brows, full voluptuous figure, lovely round eyes….’what didn’t Oga like, in my figure?’ I asked myself while inspecting my body closely at the mirror. I sigh and ponder deeply, I had to make Oga want me but what do I do? Muttering loudly I say to my reflection.

“Oga never know you ooo…im tink say na pikin you be…e neva see you before in action…Senorita! You don land Lagos…abi you want make yawa gas for ya side? Na chick you be so!”

Nodding in excitement and remembering an old tune I used to sing as a child, I whistle and walk towards my wardrobe in an attempt to get a change of clothes.

*****

Even after picking up my Oga’s child from daycare, Oga and his concubine were still locked up in the master bedroom. Throwing all thoughts of them behind me and concentrating on my plans to seduce my Oga, I hurriedly prepare lunch of yam and egg sauce, the delicacy wasn’t my strongest points as I cooked local foods better. Even after all the cooking tips my madam had taught me, I still poured dawadawa into the egg sauce for flavour. I set the table for Oga and his mistress and I hear their laughter ring as they close the bedroom door and step out into the dining room.

“What did you cook?” Oga’s mistress asks.

I ignore her completely; after hearing her conversation with Oga as regards my dismissal, I knew my madam had the final stay as regards my stay in the house and even my Oga had no say in my matter.

“Am I not talking to somebody?” The lady asks me again.

“Let her be baby…let’s eat and get back to where we left off.” My Oga crooned.

“No…I won’t. Who does this girl think she is?” The lady continued.

I remain mute and stare at her as though I didn’t understand a word of what she was saying.

“I’ve told you babe…let’s eat. Leave her alone, I’ll handle her later.” Oga said.

“No way! I can’t stay in this house with this girl…she has to leave.”

“Who will look after my child? You?” Oga spits in disgust.

“Are you talking to me in such rude tone?” His concubine challenged.

“This is my house and I make the rules here…that’s final.” Oga stated.

“Then I’d better leave.” The lady replied and turns to leave.

“Baby please don’t…you know we planned this for too long now… you’re the reason I took my annual leave at this time.” Oga whined.

“That’s crap…all these while, I have taken insults but none has ever been as grievous as this. I have to leave, when you want me, you know where to find me.” The lady says and walks away.

My Oga sits on the dinning chair, with his head in his hands; I smile to myself and silently applaud my genius. Oga’s mistress walks out of the bedroom with her bag in hand and giving the both of us a short glance, she storms out of the house. ‘Action time’ I say to myself.

“Oga…” I called.

The man sitting before me didn’t reply, his head was still in his hands.

“Taink you…” I said.

This caught his attention and he looked up at me in distaste.

“What was that for? You sent away  my love and you have the guts to say thank you.” Oga spat.

This was the moment I had been waiting for, opportunity comes but once, there is nothing like a needy helpless man in distress and a Senorita ready to the rescue. I walk up to him and quietly touch his shoulder, he quickly shrugs me off.  Refusing to be daunted and remembering my moves of old, I quickly jump on the unsuspecting man, hugging the life out of him and forcing his lips to meet mine. For a second, I think he responded till while my lips were firmly locked with his, I willed myself to open my eyes and stare at his face. I was shocked; my Oga was turning pale and faint, ‘was it my kiss or what?’ I asked myself desperately as I kissed him harder expecting him to respond positively; instead Oga bucked beneath my weight and fell with the chair. I jumped up in fear and watched my tall, domineering and handsome boss struggle to catch his breath. His breath came out in sharp spurts and emitted a kind of choking noise, he clutched his chest in panic and stared at me weakly.

“Na my kiss wan give you stroke so?” I ask as I stare at Oga in disbelief. “You no open mouth well na…if for say you open mouth well, e for no do you like dis.” I continue.

“Get….me…” Oga said, painfully trying to speak.

“Heee…I don die ooo…Senorita! Na you do man dis kain tin?” I wail and run to his side.

“In…inha…inhaler!” Oga cried out.

I didn’t understand, I kept wailing and calling the names of my ancestors in my native tongue.

“Oga…na me do you dis? My own don finish….” I keep wailing.

“In…ha…inhaler…get…my….in…haler.” Oga kept saying.

I didn’t understand.

“Wetin you talk? Oga talk am again abeg…In… wetin?” I continue.

Oga was tired of speaking, he closed his eyes in pain and held his chest as he tried standing up but couldn’t, obviously he was in great agony. I stare at him helpless and dash into the kitchen in search of nothing, I pick up the kitchen knife but drop it again then an idea came to mind as I open the freezer and taking an ice bucket, I filled it up with ice and ran back to the dinning.

“Oga…I carry block come.” I say as I drop the bucket beside him and scooping the ice, I pour some on his hurting chest.

Oga almost had a heart attack, his wheezing rose from grade one to twenty as he stared at me in confusion and alarm. Another idea came to mind as I quickly rush to the table and getting the huge plate of food, I urge him to eat.

“Oga…na work I come so… I sorry say, I wan make we do jolly join body…before madam travel, she tell me say, make I dey give you food wella. Abeg incase you wan die…just open mouth chop small food so if madam ask me if I feed you before you waka go heaven I go tell am say, you chop yam and egg sauce.” I say as I force the yam and egg sauce into his mouth.

Oga was alarmed, he felt weak and quite faint but struggled against the pressure of my hand which tried to force his mouth open.

Suddenly, I hear the tiny patter of footsteps as Oga’s child had woken up from sleep and had walked into the dining room.

“Pat…abeg…no come here…your papa wan die.” I cry as I turn to address the young child who hadn’t mastered his way around speaking.

The boy gave me a confused stare and walked away, heading towards his father’s room.

“Oga…ya pikin get sense …abeg who im resemble? See as I tell am say you wan die, he no even fear…e just waka comot.” I say as I try to force the yam down a struggling Oga’s throat.

Almost immediately the footsteps sounded again and Oga’s child quietly walked towards us and kneeling beside his father, he handed him a small item. Oga quickly took it and used it, I watched in awe as the thing brought out air and Oga inhaled it deeply, taking in short breaths at intervals. Quietly he began to regain himself and pushing me out of his side, he stood to his feet and gazed at me in disbelief. Shaking his head in pity, he held out his hand to his child and the both of them walked out of the dining room. I sat confused, the morsel of yam still in my palm, shrugging quietly, I say to myself.

“Shio…dis wan don heavy for my eye so! See miracle pikin for action…pesin fit use this pikin make money ooo! Senorita you don see sometin for Lagos!

A new phase

The sun beat me harder than it ever had in my entire life, even while I was at the village, I hardly ever stayed under the sun for this long. As I walked from pillar to post with my tattered bag and worn out slippers, I couldn’t help but pity myself. ‘Me Senorita! Chai! Lagos no do you well oo…’ I murmured to myself. Hunger had just ravaged my intestines and as I was about to cross the road, the umpteenth time, my eyes were drawn to a poster. The words were written in bold letters and even though I squinted under the sun’s harsh stare, I could hardly pronounce what was written on the poster. Turning quickly to a Good Samaritan nearby who was busy munching a mouth watering hot corn, I ask.

“Sister abeg…na wetin dem write for hia.” I said, pointing to the poster.

“Nanny for hire…” The girl said, her mouth never straying from the corn.

“Nanny! Wetin  dat one come mean?”

“Pesin wey dey take kia of pikin…”

“Ohhh….okay… I fit do am na.”

“Why you never apply?”

“I…err…na now my eye draw reach am..”

“Okay…call the number wey dem write for the poster or go find the address.”

“Ehnn…I no get fone, even sef, I no get small money wey go carry me go the address.”

“Na number 10 Sanusi close, e no far na… you go take leg waka go front, de corner for second bending, den de bend for last turn, na for dia you go see the street.”

“God bless you…you don try for me.” I say as I hastily hoist my well-worn bag over my shoulders and leave for the place.

The place was farther than I had thought, the more I walked, the hungrier I became and the crave for garri and groundnut was too hard to ignore. I reached the house and knocked at the gate, a dog barked somewhere close and I cringed in fear. ‘what if these people were no better than the Don and his men?” I asked myself. The gateman materialized from his post and walked up to me.

“We no get food to give today, come tomorrow.” He said nonchalantly.

“Food? I no come for food, na work carry me come.”

“Work? You no be beggar?” He asked.

I looked at him then mentally assessed myself, he was right, I looked nothing less than a beggar, my slippers were dark with mud and the mud stains clung to my feet like second skin. I could perceive my foul breath from miles away, my eyes were red rimmed and my clothes smelt like something dead and rotten.

“Why you call me beggar? Na ya papa be beggar!” I hurl insults at him.

“See pesin wey dey yan yawa for my papa head…abeg sharrap, wetin you dey find?”

“You deaf? I wan work…”

“Which kain work you dey find?”

“I wan do nanny…”

The gateman’s laughter couldn’t have upset me more.

“You…nanny…hehehe…wonders shall never cease… dorty woman like you, see as you wan dorty pesin pikin.”

The words I would have hurled back at him hung in my mouth as soon as a woman emerged from within.

“Madam…abeg I wan apply for nanny.” I say to the woman who had walked close to the gate.

The woman looked at me puzzled.

“You?” She asked me looking baffled.

“Yes ma! I fit carry pikin well, I fit back dem, even baff dem join.”

“No sane parent will let your kind near their child especially in your state. Where are you from? Did you just escape an asylum?.”

“Sane? Asyliii? Wetin be dat? Madam I wan work…”

“Sorry dear, this is not the place for you.”

I fell to my kneels in tears and begged desparately.

“Madam, look me well, I be hard worker, abeg I wan be nanny. I be no dorty before, na Janet chase me commot from her house for two days now. I never chop, I never even baff… na for front of shop I dey sleep.”

The woman seemed to look at me in compassion and took pity on me.

“It’s okay…I am only taking you in because we are short on staff right now and we have had a lot of women asking for maids and nannies for their children.”

“God bless you ma…you no go see poverty lai lai.”

“You must however take your bath and change your clothes…don’t you understand how to speak good English?”

“No be English I dey speak so?”

“No…didn’t you go to school?” The woman inquired further

“Madam, I never see wia dem dey use school work to take kia of pikin. My mama no see school for her life but na she teach me everything wey I know…” I reply.

The woman shook her head in disbelief and ushered me in as she decided to take me in, I followed her into a small office which housed to computers and two men. I sat down and from the look on their faces, they obviously thought I stunk. I looked at my slippers and shook my head in despair, this was not what I had bargained for.

The woman, who I later learnt was Iyabo, told one of the men to buy me a soap and sponge and when he returned with the items, I was led into a bathroom at the back of the house where I had my bath. The bathroom was by far, better than any other I had been privileged to bath in. the soap smelt so good, I almost ate the bar and the water seemed so refreshing and I could swear that I had never felt this refreshed in my entire life.

As soon as I had had my bath and changed into the clothes from my bag, I stepped out into the office and sat down in my former position. I had hardly sat when a woman walked in with her husband and their baby, they seemed to be in a hurry and desperately in need of a nanny for their child. There and then, Iyabo signed a contract releasing me to them.

I arrived at the couple’s house one hour later and I must say I was quite impressed with their home. I had no idea of the job of a nanny but I needed a place to stay and food to eat, so I couldn't complain more besides I was to be a live- in nanny with a monthly salary of ten thousand naira alongside feeding. I couldn't be more grateful, that night, as I slept I knew deep down that I couldn’t have found a better home.

****

My new household was conducive, my employers were not poor and they had all the basic necessities they ever wanted. I was well fed and after taking care of their fifteen month old son, all I did was sleep, sleep and sleep some more. I couldn't help laying curses on Janet whenever thoughts of her flashed across my mind. I had not yet had male admirers as I was still surveying the area but I knew the right man will tag along at his own right time.

Two weeks later my madam travelled and I was faced with biggest dilemma of my life, my Oga did something that I never imagined possible. It was a Tuesday afternoon and I had just dropped off their baby at the daycare, I returned to the house to see my Oga's car parked unusually in the compound.

"Wetin happen na?" I ask myself. 

I hurry into the house in haste and shock couldn't have registered on my face as I saw my Oga standing in the sitting room in his birthday suit...he was stark naked. My mouth opened in shock as I stared at the gorgeousness of the male specimen before me. He didn't see me because his back was turned to me and he was taking out a bottle of wine from the mini bar. Excitement couldn't have had me more prepared, my Oga wanted me, he had planned to be with me as soon as his wife traveled, those were my thoughts. Quickly taking a cue, I smiled to myself as I quickly shed my clothes; if Oga was ready to tangle, who was I to resist such temptation? This man was richer than all the other men who were privileged to have crossed my path, as far as I am concerned, I am ready to do the grabbing.

I had just stripped down to my underwear when I heard a gasp behind me, I turned abruptly to stare into the baffled face of a lady who was obviously not my madam. I screamed in shock and turned to stare at my Oga who had also turned to look at me in surprise.
"Who is this girl?" The lady asked.

"Err...my baby's nanny." My Oga looked at me in sheer disgust.

"Are you having an affair with your nanny.?" The lady asked looking very hurt.

"No baby...I'm not...never! I can't sleep with this dirty girl." He said.

"Then what is she doing here, half naked?" The lady asked with hands on her hips.

"I don't understand what the dirty pig is doing here either." Oga continued.

I bit my tongue, 'me, Senorita! Dorty, this man never see shit!" I thought to myself.

"Will you get out of my sight? I wonder what you are doing in your underwear." Oga barked at me.

"Ah ah...no be you cause am? I see you as you don pull cloth so, I come tink say, you ready for action." i say quite bodly.

"Get out of my sight this instant and I don't need to warn that not a word of this should get to my wife. Can you imagine this thing?" Oga said angrily.

"I told you that we should get a hotel, I am not comfortable staying in your matrimonial home." The lady said.

As I stared at the couple, I mutter under my breath.

" This big fish wey I catch so wan take kurukere dodge comot for my eye, lai lai. Which gial fine pass Senorita for Lasgidi? No body! I go show dem say, Okro sweet pass Ogbono...dem wan try?"

De end of de road, de beginning of a journey!

Image Source:verysmartbrothas.com

I slept outside last night and even as the rains poured and droplets left the ceiling of the parched corridor of the house I once shared with Janet, I felt my life sway before my eyes. After I had led everyone to believing that I had a fat bank account, I was beaten and shunned by those who had become my friends. Janet, my only hope, had sent me out of her house and threw my bags outside, I had become, officially homeless.

Dawn came creeping slowly and quietly and even as I made to rise to my feet and once again attempt to knock at the door to Janet’s room, I felt the shudder of cold as a small paint bucket of urine was poured on me by Sisi Gbemi, the nosiest tenant of our compound.

“You no dey see?” I turn to ask.

“Na here be ya palour?” She retorts.

“Why you pour piss for my body na? Wich kain nonsense be dis one?”

“See dis ashewo, after de mouth wey you make yesterday ehn… you still fit talk.” She continued.

“Na wia dat one take comot sleep for ya eye.”

“Oloshi…oloriburuku…you tief money come dey pose…Oshofree!”

Onochie the landlord’s wayward son walked out of the room he shared with his family members and sauntered up to meet me.

“Baby moi…na who dey disturb you so?” He asked, touching his chin with his left hand as he spoke to me.

“Wetin carry you come here…ehn Onochie? I don tell you before say, make you no dey call me baby again. I no be ya grade.” I snap in anger.

“See dis gial wey I wan help sef…idiot!” Onochie spat.

I hiss loudly and continue knocking at Janet’s door.

“Why you wan helep am?  Abegi…we no need her kind for dis house again….shebi Janet don troway ya property….dey goooo!!!” Sisi Gbemi hooted at me.

I ignore them bang hard on Janet’s door.

“Janet! Janet! Abeg…if you troway me from house, who go carry me na? Abeg no vex, I no know say de money wey I carry na fake….” I cry loudly.

I hear no sound from the room within as everywhere remain still and calm except for the mummurs of Onochie, Sisi Gbemi and a few other neighbours who had made a circle round me.

“Me sef think say…she don comot tey tey….dis gial no dey hear word.” Said one of the neighbours.

“Wetin she do sef? I hear say, she carry fake dollars….”

“Ehnnn dis one no be cold water ooo…my brother na corporal and if im catch dis kain pesin…na Kirikiri straight no back turn.”

“Abeg make wee helep am carry her bag troway am for road…see as her load dey block road for here.” Said Sisi Gbemi, picking up on of my small bags.

“Drop am kia kia…na wia dis one take be ya consign? I go wound pesin ooo.” I warn.

“Come wound me na…abi u never see Mike Tyson for Naija before?” Sis Gbemi warned.

“Janet! Jane! I take God beg you na….” I plead.

The door opens and Janet emerges, stretching and yawning, she stared at me spitefully and I could never forget the hatred I saw in her eyes. I asked myself quietly…’wetin I do?’

“You never comot?” She asks.

I fall on my kneels and cry hard.

“No! This na de only place wey I kno…Janet, abeg.”

“Ehenn…wen you dey jump from pilliar to post… you no know say e get time when fowl dey run from rain.”

“I take God beg you…you be my only hope… Ahhh! Senorita! See wetin you don carry load for head.”

“Vex wan kill me!” Janet said as she looked at the neighbours. ‘Imagine dis shit! This gial wey I carry come from village… I give am shelter, cloth, food….everything, I give to am. Just yesterday, im see dollars begin dey behave like goat… she no even say, oya my sister janet, take dis money join body. Instead she turn mee to househelp, I wan slap myself when I remember how I serve am yesterday. Oya begin pay me all de money wey I wey I don spend ontop ya body.”

“I take God beg you…janet! I promise say…if you let me enter house again… I go surprise you. I go work so tey…body go dey pepper me. I go make money for you… I no come lagos for play.”

The neighbours shook their heads and hissed audibly.

“Seno…dis na de end of the road for you. If na me dey for ya shoes now… I go kukuma carry my load reach motor park wey dey go village. Lagos no be for ya type.” Janet continued.

I fall on the floor in a helpless heap and beat myself with my hands.

“Senorita! Yeh! Lagos oooo!” I wail.

“Come carry her load comot…drag am comot for my papa compound!” Onochie shouts while he gestures to some boys standing around to drag me out of the compound.

They carry my struggling self out of the only place I call home in the city of Lagos and dump me outside the gate.

“Onochie! Ono…dis na wickedness…na because I no gree for you?” I wail.

“Your body no go even sweet as I want sef…abeg carry ya wahala run go village.” Onochie spits.

My bags were thrown on the road while I rolled on the dust in tears, passersby only looked on and shook their heads while my so-called neighbours and the only person I called sister whom I knew in Lagos, shut the compound gate against me.

Sighing audibly and crying loudly I shout….

“Senorita! You never see anything for Lagos ooo…. Ya own don kpai!” 

One Chance!

“Seno….na you be dis? Wia you go na?” Asked Janet, my roommate.

“Modeling.” I replied, falling on the cushion in an exhausted heap.

I had just returned from the hotel where the Don and Bongus had held me hostage for the past twelve hours. Getting home was not easy as I had to literally beg a tomato van driver to drop me at the closest bustop to my house. I had trekked for hours.

“Na wa ooo… I fear say 419 don carry you. I go dat place wia you tell me say  una dey do modeling. I no see ant for dia sef.”

“You mean am?” I say closing my eyes and feigning sleep.

“Yes ke…” Janet continued but noticing my eyes were closing she nugged me and said; “ You wan sleep for cushion? Abeg lie down for floor jare…”

My eyes popped open instantly.

“Wetin be ya own? Na sake of say I dey crash for ya house ooo…if not, I go give you word dis night!” I shout.

“Ehn…senorita! You don grow wings abi? Na because of modeling?” Janet asks in surprise while placing her hands on her waist.

Ignore her totally as I close my eyes still lounging on her cushion. I could hear Janet’s labored breathing, she only breathed fast whenever she was angry and I knew that I had perked up the beast in her. Honestly, I was tired of being treated like a slave in her house, it wasn’t as though I wasn’t used to sleeping on the floor but I felt that I was bigger than that. I wanted to be respected and with the money I had tucked into my brassiere as soon as I left the hotel room, I knew I was covered.

“Tomorrow…you must comot for dis house kia kia… I no fit dey receive any kain insult from beggar like you. We no fit get two captains forr one ship.” Hissed Janet.

The word beggar got me mad, I jumped up from my sleeping position and ran towards Janet in frenzy. She was prepared for my attack, we rolled over in a big fight as pots, cups, plates, spoons and different worn-out furniture fell on us and scrapped our sides. Janet pinched me on my buttocks and I bit her on her breast. We fought for long before disentangling ourselves. My blouse was ripped and my bra was exposed alongside my breasts and the money I had placed inside. Janet spaghetti strapped top was also torn and left dangling to the side and even as we stared at eachother, I could see her eyes pop wide as she saw my chest area.

“No wonder! Ahhh…na dollars make you dey shine eye for me abi?” Janet asked in shock.

“Which kain? Na you get am?” I chortled angrily.

“Seno! Wia you from carry am come?”

“Idiot like you…come carry na…all ya maltreatment go stop by fire by force!” I shouted loudly as I brought out the money from my bra and licking my fingers, I begin to count dem.”

“Seno darling, Seno sweetie… abeg no vex for me. Come lie down for my bed ejo…” She pleaded.

“I no need to lie down anymore…as you can see… I don land money. Tomorrow, I go pack comot for here…who need ya wahala sef?”

Janet fell on her kneel and begged desperately.

“Abeg… I take God beg you… na my sister you be so. Abi you don forget?”

“Hmmm… u be dey take me for granted abi... dis na my time to shine… no yawa.”

Janet nodded vigorously as I dished out my commands;

“From now on, na wetin I command you go dey do for dis house. Number one, na me go dey sleep for bed, two… when I call ya name, ya answer go be Ma… number three….”

As I continued, I felt the surge of power fill my body; I remembered having this same feeling when the Don and his boys dashed out in fright at the hotel room earlier today.

****

The next morning, I was treated like a Queen. Janet prepared breakfast of yam and fried eggs while I lay lounging in bed, refusing to have a bath because of my hidden treasure nestled inside my bra. I dreamt of the house I would buy and the clothes I would shop for and joy burst through my heart. Janet kept cleaning, sweeping and dusting the small room we shared. I later got tired of lying idly on the bed and rose, preparing to go to the bathroom for my bath but there was a hitch. I couldn't leave my fortune alone in the house with Janet, I didn’t trust her one bit. Janet had just brought in my breakfast when I ordered her to leave the room.

“Why na? Wetin I do you dis time?” Janet asked in a pained voice.

“Who you be? You wan craze? Abi you want make I park comot for this house?” I shout.

“Abeg… no vex, na slip for tongue…” Janet said begging.

“Your own don dey too much ooo… I wan lock my money for inside house and I no fit baff well if you dey inside house with the money..”

“Ahhh…oya…lock am, I go sit for outside.” Said a subdued Janet.

I carefully removed the money again from my bra and counted it, Janet salivated as she watched me touch the crisp notes. I too, couldn't believe that I had become rich over night. Folding the money carefully, I order Janet to close her eyes while I hide the money.

“Seno…haba…shebi you go lock door? How I go fit touch the money when I no dey inside room.”

“You be proper thief…close ya eyes now or I go wooze you sound slap!”

Janet closed her eyes while I tucked the money under the mattress and satisfied that she hadn’t seen where I hid it, I walk towards her and roughly push her towards the door. We step outside the room and I lock the door firmly behind us. I had just slipped the key inside my wrapper when I heard my name.

“Senorita!”

I didn’t bother turning around, I knew who it was.

“Who be rat?” I shouted back.

“See dis babe ooo… na Frederiko.” Said Frederiko as he walked up to meet me.

“Who you dey call dis babe?” I say, turning around to face him squarely.

“Ahhh…wetin dey do you?”

“Na ya mama dey craze.” I insulted.

Frederiko’s eyes widened in shock, at that moment, Larry and Shade were stepping out of their room in a matching attire, it seem as if they were going for a wedding. They too, stopped to stare at me. Some other neighbours, had come out of their rooms itching for news.

“Na me you dey insult so?” Frederiko asked, stunned.

“You be useless man. I no wan see you again…lai lai.” I spit out.

“Ehen…dis girl don shack ooo….shebi na me… a whole Frederiko, you dey yan yawa. God forbid!”

“Na ya papa forbid you…Mugu!” I lash out at him.

“Abi you wan hear slap? This no be the Senorita wey I know. So na how you wan pay me back abi… I no be Larry ooo wey you dump like banana.”

“Gerrout of my sight!” I shout.

“Oya…give me my one thousand naira…” Frederiko shouted, creating a scene.

“See dis Ode! My money no dey in naira again…na for dollars.” I boast.

Everyone standing around me gasped, except Janet who knew my claims were true. Suddenly, they burst out laughing, Shade laughed hard till she fell on the floor and tears rolled down her eyes.

“Una wan try? Una dey doubt me? Janet…tell dem wetin you see…give dem gist.” I say to Janet.

“No be lie ooo…Seno don turn model, she just try am once and the money wey she carry come ehn, e full one bag and na so so dollars.”

“Talk true…” Said Frederiko.

“The money dey inside house….if you like ehn… I go show you..”

“Sharrap….show wetin. Na you get the money?” I say to Janet.

“No ma!” Janet replied hastily.

Shade stood up from thee ground and stared at us in wwonder.

“Janet…na true you talk? Senorita don hammer so?” Shade asked.

“Na true my sister… you know me na. Na sake of say she bring money ooo…for dat reason ehn, I dey loyal till death do part.” Janet supplied.

“Waoow….this is good baby!” Shouted Frederiko as he lifted me up in his arms.

“Abeg abeg…carry me come down! I no want ya dorty hand for my body.” I shout in anger.

“Sweety…shebi you know say na me be ya first love for dis Lagos.” Said Larry walking up to meet me.

“You dey mad? I go scatter ya teeth for hia now if you talk dat tin again.”Warned Frederiko as he faced Larry.

“Wife thief! Ole! Na you steal my Senorita.” Accused Larry.

“You wan die? If you wan die ehn, call her name again.”

“Senorita!” Shouted Larry.

The two men grabbed eachother in a fight, I ignored them and walked towards the bathroom with the neighbours on my heels and Janet ahead of them, she held my bathing bucket in her hand.

I reached the bathroom and entered while the neighbours and Janet waited patiently for me to finish having my bath. I stepped out ten minutes later to see that my onlookers had increased, I handed the bucket to Janet and she clumsily let it slip from her hand to the floor. In rage I slapped her hard on the face.

“You wan break my bucket?”

“No ma…abeg no vex.”

“I swear, I go demote you ooo.” I warn.

“Aunty Senorita… I fit do Janet work wella…” Said Shade who had stepped up to me.

“Who dis wan be? Na animal or ghost? Abeg carry ya small yash comot for my front.” I say.

I walk to my door step to still see Larry and Frederiko, fighting frantically. Ignoring them, I open the door to my room and enter, closing it firmly behind me and leaving Janet, my lovers and onlookers, outside.

Thrity minutes later, I emerge in my blue top and red flowered trousers which Larry bought for me from Ore. The spectators were still waiting where I had left them, the only difference was, Larry and Frederiko had stopped fighting. Fumbling through my brassiere, I bring out the dollars to the awe of the gradually growing onlookers and count them again. Placing it back into my bra, the umpteenth time, I walk away from them and sit at the entrance of the compound, bringing out the cash again and recounting. My onlookers had once again, followed me outside.

“Aunty Senorita…shebi you go call Mallam Nuru…he dey change money ooo.” Said Shade.

“I no wan change am.” I reply.

“If you no change am… you no go fit use am do any tin. This na big money and you need to change am, infact, open account sef.”

“Wia the Mallam Nuru.” I ask.

“Sekia…abeg go call am for the other compound.” Said Shade to one of our neighbours.

Sekia dashed off, while I kept counting my money and drawing attention from people on the street. Our compound had no gate, so it was easy to see what was going on. Frederiko and Larry stood beside me, their eyes were puffed and their cheeks bruised, Larry seemed to have sprained his knee because he was limping badly. In a few minutes, Mallam Nuru arrived with a friend of his.

“Mallam…abeg we want make you help us change money.” Said Shade.

“Shut up! Na you get am?” I shouted.

“Sorry ooo…no vex.” Shade pleaded.

“How much you wan change?” The Mallam asked.

“I no know how much I hold…” I replied.

“Bring am make I see am.” Said the Mallam.

“Lai lai…” I refuse, shaking my head from side to side.

“If you no bring am, how I go change am na?” The Mallam asks.

I reluctantly delve into my bra for the money and hesitantly hand it over to Mallam Nuru.

“Ahh….na who give you dis money?” Mallam Nuru asks.

“Na for wia dat one take consign you na?” I retort.

He gives the money to his companion who laughs and stares at me absurdly.

“Auntie…this money na original fake dollars!” His companion says.

I look at them in confusion, my neighbours gasp in shock.

“Wetin…wetin una dey talk?” I whisper.

“Dis na counterfeit and even law talk say, anybody wey dem find with dis kain money go sleep for jail….” Said Mallam Nuru.

I open my mouth but no sound comes out…suddenly I feel a huge slap land on my back, then another and a few other blows… I hear Janet, Shade, Larry and Frederiko rain abuses at me. 

“Good for nothing! Idiot! Mumu! Waka-about, Na God go punish you!.....”

They keep beating me while the neighbours walk out on us, Mallam Nuru and his friend, drop the fake money beside me and walk away while I receive the beating of my life. Deep down I wail at my failure at being a model and hurl insults at the Don and his men.  Quietly, I  say to myself;

“Senorita…na so you enter one chance?”