ALL ROADS LEAD TO LAGOS! PT 1

The forest was thick and dark, an owl hooted at the far side of the bushes as it gazed at me from the branch of the tree. My legs had begun to ache and my eyes teared up a little when I realized that I wasn’t close to Lagos at all, instead I had ended up walking further into the bushes. Stamping my foot on the ground like a spoilt child, I cry;

“No be direction I follow so? Why I dey enter inside bush na? Na wetin be dis one wey pesin don land herself so? Lagos! Lagos! If you kno say you no want Senorita, talk am now ooo! Lagos shebi you dey hia me so?” I shout, my hand tugging my left ear in a form of warning.

“Lagos want u….” A creepy voice said behind me.

I startled and turned to face the intruder, it was a man so short that I had to bend to look at him.

“Who be you?” I ask.

“Lagos.” He replied.

“You? Lagos?” Despite my present state, I laughed loud and hard.

“Wetin dey make you laugh? No be you dey call me?” The man called Lagos asked.

“Why I go dey call you?” I ask.

“I hear Lagos for ya mouth now now…” He replies.

“Na you be Lagos?” I ask getting annoyed.

The man looked at me for an instant and threw his head back in laughter. This singular action of his made me angrier as I hissed and started walking away.

“Wia you dey go?” He asked me.

“Lasgidi ofcourse!” I replied.

“Whish one be Lasgidi… no be Lagos u dey so.”

I hiss and continue walking away when I feel a magnetic pull fasten me to the ground, I struggle frantically and try hard to release myself but the more I get fastened.

“Wetin you dey do me so? Who be you? You don use charm catch me for hia abi?” I scream.

He walks up to me and stands right before me, smiling and smirking in delight.

“Run na….wia you be wan run go?”

“Release me…you be witch?” I shout.

“You no see sign board for road? D sign board talk; ‘LAGOS A PLACE OF NO RETURN’ abi you no dey see road?”

“Na lie…I no see lagos a place of no return…wetin I see be ‘This way to Lagos.’” I retort.

“Heeheehaa…you don reach de Lagos wia you dey find, why you dey shout now?”

“Lagos na place wia pesin dey live.” I spit at him and look at  bush irritatingly. “This no be Lagos”

“Omoge…dis place na Lagos and my name be Lagos. You dey call my name wen you enter dis place and you go live hia with me. Shebi you grab?”

“Ahh lai lai…I no fit live for dis bush! A whole Senorita wey dey ready to paint Lagos to sure levels…I no fit live hia.”

“See ya mouth…chai…I get luck sha…see fine girl wey enter my dormot so.” The man said smacking his lips and wagging his tongue.

“Kai…no touch me! No use dat ya hand touch my fine body…” I warn.

“If I touch am nko? Wetin you go do?”

“Touch am na…touch am…if my mama and her witch people no go kee you for hia.”

“Hehehe omoge…abeg I wan see ya mama…I fit even take opportunity ask am make I marry you.”

He reaches out and touches my hand and I cringe, then his beefy palms caress my face. ‘This is not what I want for myself’, I scream inwardly, ‘what have I got myself into?’

“Mama! Make you come save ya pikin now ooo.” I scream loudly, knowing fully well that my mother is no witch and I was just trying to fool him.”

The man’s eyes lit up and he starts dancing around in circles, singing loudly and chanting in a tongue too difficult to understand.

“Mama! Mama!” I screamed and coughed.

“Dis one wey me and witch go fight today…abi you don see babalawo and witch wen dem dey fight? Na me go kee ya mama.” The man said laughing in glee.

I had to stop deceiving myself, my mother would be at the village either sleeping or warming her legs by the fire, the poor woman had never seen witchcraft before and was always terrified of hearing witchcraft tales.

“Oga abeg release me…make I go…na dokitor I find come abeg.” I plead.

“You no call ya mama again?”

“No…e be like say she don sleep.”

“Ahh…witch dey sleep again?

“No…I mean…dem dey sleep. She fit don fly tire for aftanun. Abeg oga make I go….na doki I find come.”

“Me sef I be doki” The man said.

“No be dat kind…I dey talk about dockitor…dat one wey dey hospital for Lagos.”

“Close ya mouth…e no get dockitor wey big pass me.” He said.

I feel like dying because for the first time in the last hour, I know that I am trapped and can do nothing about it. I had been smart all along until now, I had outsmarted the 419 gang who had initially created a façade with the modeling agency, I had escaped from my madam’s house, the prison, psychiatric facility, the booth of the driver’s car but now, in the space of one hour, I have managed to be trapped by one man who’s head hardly measured above my knees.

“Oga abeg make I go…dis no be Lagos na…oga abeg.”

“You go go.” The man replied.

“Thiank you sir.” I answer gratefully still trying to release myself from the invisible grip holding me down to the ground.

“But you go do something for me…” The man supplied.

“Anything sir…”

“You go born pikin for me after you don born finish, I go release you.”

My eyes widen in shock and turning my gaze to face the sky, I shout.

“Baba wey dey up…I don enter kurukere waka and na only you fit hia me…abeg come down!”