It was three days already and I was stuck, deep down I knew I had to find a way out of my present predicament. Pushing off the smelling and snoring old loaf from my small frame wasn’t an easy feat as his weight was too much to bear. I look at him again in disdain and almost spit in disgust. ‘How could I have let such an ugly man touch my fine skin?’ I ask myself.
I drag the small wrap on the bed around my shoulders and step outside, the hut is very cool and almost chilled and the surrounding environs stink of faeces and urine. ‘The miserable loaf didn’t own a toilet, he did his business in the bushes’ I sigh to myself and proceed to the corner of his shrine to relieve myself of the yam and palm oil I had eaten late that night. Light penetrated from the full moon above and though it didn’t shine down on me, I look upon it as good luck as I wanted to be a bit mischievous. Sighting one of the huge pots at the corner where ‘Oga Lagos’ reportedly keeps his medicinal herbs which he claims helps in relieving the discomfort of the pile which ails him, I direct my buttocks to its center and empty my bowel, smiling in pleasure at the punishment he was going to get in the morning, when he decides to drink from the pot.
Since the day I stepped into ‘Lagos’ house, I have never stopped feeling as though I had been tricked or misled. ‘Lagos’ is a very cunning man and from the little ways he went about his daily business, it’s clear that he’s as slippery as an eel. I had just released yet another number into the huge pot when I hear whispers.
“He is there…I promise you…he is…” One voice said.
“Hmmm….I know this man, he is the slyest man ever and he might not even be in his house right now…” A second echoed.
“I have been watching his entrance all evening and I can assure you that he hasn’t stepped foot out of that out in three days. Since he got himself a new wife.” The first voice whispered.
“Ah! Iyawo number seventeen…this just makes me want to kill him...”
“But that’s what we are here for, to kill him ofcourse.” Said the first voice.
I gasped and covered my mouth with my palms in delight, ‘this is what I have been waiting for! Senorita is no Sagamu girl but a Lagos chick and nothing can stop that.’ I say to myself as I jump up from the pot and hurry to the direction of the voices. As soon as my footsteps echoe, the voices stop.
“Helloo…na me….I wan join una ooo.” I nearly shout.
“Ahhhh…omoge…u wan kee us? Why you dey shaout na?” The first voice whispered.
“You be fool? You know am before?” The second voice asked the first.
“Ofcourse…na Iyawo number seventeen be dis, in flesh and blood.” The first voice answered.
“Iyawo…wetin you hear?” The second voice asked.
“E be like say she get juju, u no hear her voice? E be like witch own.” Said the first.
“Abeg show ya face…I no get juju.” I plead.
The leaves rustle and from behind the shrubs emerge two young boys, not more than eighteen years of age. I shake my head in disappointment, obviously I wouldn’t be able to rely on the strength of teenage boys over that of a man above his fifties.
“Iyawo…na you be dis?” Said the voice I recognized as the first. “My name na Taiwo and this na my second, Kehinde.”
The second nodded in greeting and kept silent as he stared at me as though he has never seen my kind before.
“You fine sha…” Kehinde mouthed as he whistled rather loudly.
“Shh…you wan make Oga Lagos turn us to yam?” Taiwo shushed his brother. They both didn’t look alike so, I couldn’t tell the difference under the glow of the moonlight.
“Wetin una dey do for hia?” I ask.
“We wan kee dat useless man.” Taiwo replied.
“Wetin im do una.”
“Na de trap wey we set for bush since last week ooo…. We travel go Lagos, when we come back, we see say the meat wey de trap catch no dey deir.” Kehinde supplied.
My brain stood still immediately they mentioned Lagos, I decided to ask if they could take me there.
“Ahhh una don see Lagos wonder? Na Lagos chick I be ooo…Senorita…Senorita the Lagos Chick.” I say proudly and pirouette for them. The two boys look at me in confusion as though I had just blurted out rubbish.
“Wetin dis one dey talk?” Taiwo asked his brother.
“E be like say, Oga Lagos don give am something ooo…. She don high?” Kehinde echoed.
“No….I swear! Na Lagos Chick I be before I come dis place, I wan helep una…”
“You fit?” Taiwo asked.
“She no fit…abeg make we enter dia do our tin, comot!” Kehinde said.
“I fit do anything…shebi una wan kee am?” I ask.
“Kee wetin? We wan find our meat, na if we no see am…na den we fit kee am.” Taiwo said.
I shake my head in disbelief.
“Kee who? We no talk dat one ooo…I no wan destroy pesin! You no hia wetin God talk for Ten Commandments?” Kehinde said, holding his ears and pulling them till they hurt.
“Nor be una talk say una wan kee am?” I ask confused.
“Err…make we go find our meat first of all.” Taiwo says.
I nod in agreement but I’m not satisfied, Taiwo seems to be besotted by me but Kehinde seems to be engrossed in retrieving his useless meat from ‘Oga Lagos’
“Abeg no vex…we go help you…” Taiwo said to me as I bat my eyelashes and stare at him.
“Is he asleep?” Kehinde asked me, rapidly changing to good English.
“Yes.” I nod.
The two lanky boys walk towards the hut, I almost feel a sense of pride as I watch them walk ahead of me and disappeared into the hut I shared with ‘Oga Lagos’. I let out a sigh of relief which I just realized that I had been holding for a while.
“Wetin dem dey find for inside dia?” I hear a familiar voice behind me.
I turned around and stared in shock, it was ‘Lagos’ in flesh and blood, how he got there, I never knew! With eyes wide open and my mouth ready for a scream, I build up sounds in my throat but nothing comes out, not even any of my prepared quotes.