Serious Business!

The water splashed squarely on my face and I jumped.

“See am…e still dey sleep…abeg gerrup joor, the fire don off.” Screamed on of the women.

I stood on my feet and tried running out of the building but the whole place was packed with people, both onlookers and the police. There wer still signs of smoke and people still held buckets in their hands.

“Wia you dey go you dis anyhow gial? You think say dis na playground?” Asked one of the policemen.

“I wan go my house…ooo” I cried loudly as I tried letting myself out of the compound but was held back by some people.

“Abeg make una carry am go hospital…e fit be say, de fire don affect her brain.” Said one of the onlookers.

“Which kain hospital…it is now confirmed that this place is a brothel aka ashewo joint so every lady who resides in this house must be arrested. Atleast the fire has been doused so everyone can now return to their homes.” Said one of the policemen.

The man who held me in his grasp let me go and I fell to the ground, all of a sudden, everywhere emptied as everyone left the scene including Awero and the other ladies.

“Ah! Where dem dey?” Asked one of the policemen.

“Dey run comot? Chai…dis for be how we for take catch dese women ooo.” Another policeman said.

“Na only dis gial remain…wetin we go tell D.P.O?” Asked another policeman.

“We fit tell am say, all de ashewo don comot for night paroles and na only dis one remain for house.” Said the first.

“Good idea…oya, Akin, handcuff am, make we dey go station.”

Immediately I sensed that I was about to be arrested, I began to scream.

“Heeeeehhhh…I nor dey ooo…na today I waka come ooo.” I cry.

“Na you and who, waka come?” Asked a policeman.

“Na only me.” I replied, tears staining my cheeks.

“You nor suppose talk anything till you reach station so shut up!” Said one of the policemen.

“Chai…if I know, I for just lie down for ground, faint dey goo…” I cried.

The policemen dragged me outside and threw me into their van. As we left the scene, I saw Awero peep from the side of one of the houses and before I could scream and alert the police to her, she had disappeared.

****

I was left at the cell for three days, no one asked of me and no one cared for me, all I was given to eat was some food and water. On the third day, one of the policemen walked up to my cell and whispered.

“Pesin don pay for ya release…just cooperate…nor do like say I don tell you anything or oga fit suspect. By eight for night, I go open dis gate, make you comot.” Said the policeman.

“Ahhh…oga…taink you…God bless you sir.” I said, as I knelt down in thanks.

The woman that I shared the prison cell with, didn’t even flinch, she just sat down like a stone and kept staring at the wall. I heard that her husband locked her up because he caught her with another man but lied to the police that she stole his international passport. The lady wasn't much of a talker but whenever her family members came to pay her a visit, her lips moved fast as she told her story, over and over again.

The police officer left the cell and walked back to his duty post.

“You get wia you go fit go?” Asked the woman.

I was shocked, I turned to look at her and was more surprised because she was staring intently at me.

“I hear ya case for police mouth I even hear when you dey shout say, you nor be ashewo.” The woman said to me.

“God go bless you ma...na one chance I enter for dem Ashewo hand ooo.” I said, sounding relieved.

“Go number 17 Ajia street…you go see my pikin Rita, tell am say na her mama friend you be. Young girl like you nor fit waka anyhow for nite... atleast, make you slip till morning reach.”

I fall on my knee before her and thank her.

"Auntie e go better for ya generation...all ya pikin go prosper..." I continued showering blessings on her.

The woman nodded quietly and kept staring at the wall.

****

That night I was released and as soon as the night air kissed my face, I felt hands grab me. I yelped and struggled but was hushed by a familiar voice.

‘Shhh….na me Awero.” Said the woman.

“What? Awero…ahhh…Awero…wetin una do me nor good ooo…” I begin to cry.

“Abeg shat ya mouth.” Awero snapped. “Follow me, I wan carry you go my friend house.”

‘Ahh…I get place wia I dey goo…I wan go number 17….” I started but was cut short by a slap.

“You wan craze? Who pay for ya release? Na number 17?” Awero demanded.

I shook my head in fear. She tugged at my hand and I hurriedly followed her.

It was very late when we reached Awero’s friend’s house, we had to board a bus, take a bike and walk quite a mile because the bike rider refused to go further into the rough street. By the time we reached the house, I was fagged out. Awero knocked at the door and a very beautiful young lady opened the door for us, her dress was clingy and her lashes where so long it took me a lot of effort to see her eyes.

“What’s the password.” The girl asked Awero.

“Thunder and Fire.” Awero whispered.

We were ushered into a small sitting room and offered drinks. Immediately I saw the bottles of drinks on the stool the hunger I felt from the prison surfaced and I quickly grabbed one bottle of coke and corking it with my teeth, I spat out the cork and tipped the contents down my throat. By the time I finished the third bottle, I was belching louder than a pig. Awero ignored me throughout and was instead looking at the door leading to the inside of the house.

Suddenly the door opened and a very slim woman walked into the sitting room.

“Hmmm…you were the one sent by Jasmine right?” The lady asked Awero in a light voice.

“Yes ma…na me be Jasmine friend…she talk say…” Awero continued but the woman held up her hand.

“Is this the girl? Is she the one?”

“Yes na she…look am well, na fine girl I carry come so…”

“Who is she to you?” The woman asked.

“Na one girl wey come our place for ashewo joint, she be wan join us but I tell am say, dat place nor fit am at all.” Awero said.

I stared at Awero incredulously as she spoke.

“Hmmm…how much do you want?” The woman asked Awero.

“Madam…” Awero hailed, flashing her teeth, two of her teeth had broken, I hadn't noticed. “Na small money…scratch my back, I scratch ya own…give me two hundred…na virgin I bring come ya dormot ooo.”

“I’ll give you one hundred…” The woman said.

Awero shook her head. “Madam lai lai…I nor fit remove one kobo…na cost price we dey.”

“Are you new to this business?” The woman asked.

“Yes…na my first time but I fit bring you correct girls….dis one wey dey here don too suffer if not ehn, I fit no even sell am to you for five hundred thousand.” Awero boasted.

“I’ll give you one twenty…”

Awero stood up to leave. “Madam…talk like pesin abeg…see ya fine house…abi you nor want make I build my own? Scratch my back make I scratch ya own…I nor fit comot kobo from cost price.”

The woman rang a bell and a lady came out of the room, she whispered something to her and the lady went back into the room and came out again carrying a bundle of notes. She handed it to Awero who greedily grabbed the money and wetting the tip of her fingers with spittle, she proceeded to count.

Awero smiled as soon as she finished counting the money and turned to leave.

“Tank you ma…I go dey bring you plenty correct gials…” Awero said as she headed towards the door.

The woman rung the bell again and one hefty man walked out of the room and turning to the woman, he nodded while the woman tilted her head side ward. 

Awero smiled and happily made her way to the door but gasped as the man walked up to her, grabbed her by the neck till he strangled her. I stood and stared in shock as a limp Awero fell to the ground and the two hundred thousand naira was retrieved from her palms and taken away by the young lady. The man swung a lifeless Awero over his shoulder and stormed out of the house.

I opened my mouth and threw up all the contents of the coke which I had drunk earlier on.

Fire!

It was the screams that woke me up, I quickly hustled out of bed and ran to the door of the room which I was staying. The air was humid and the night was dark, what had happened? I kept asking myself. As I struggled to break open the door which was ofcourse, locked, I couldn’t help but wonder at how I had found myself in yet another mess.

“Senorita…na so so troubu dey find you…” I whispered to myself as I shoved the door with all my might yet it wouldn’t budge.

“Den don pour fire for our dormot ooo…” Screamed on of the ladies.

“Agatha! Kemi! Oya quick…run go iyabo house, carry water come.” Awero issued orders.

I flattened my palms on the door of the room, getting out was quite impossible and I could feel the smoke filter into the room from the space underneath the door.

“Helep me ooo….na Senorita dey for inside ooo…” I cried in plea.

No one seemed to hear me, all I could hear was the noises coming from the ladies as they hustled their belongings out of their rooms.

“Chei…my phone ooo…na blackberry bold 5 be dat ooo…” Screamed one of the ladies.

“I dey go my house…abeg una helep me find my shirt? I nor fit enter house with only singlet.” Said a male voice which I have not heard before.

“Serious? So na dis kain talk you fit talk shebi? Na after our house don burn finish…na den you go see ya shirt. Abeg comot for hia jare…stupid man. Ashewo!” Said one of the ladies to him.

“Na my fault say una house dey burn? Nor be to do I come do? Na to helep una pour water for house?” Screamed the man.

“Abeg who carry dis yeye man come? From today, if you wan totori with woman, abeg carry yaself dey go ya house…abi you get wife.” Said another lady.

At this point, I was already choking, my eyes could hardly open because of the burning smoke which had found its way into my eyes.

“Helep me!” I cried.

Suddenly, I felt the wave of nostalgia as I saw in my mind’s eye, my hometown, my mother and my brothers. It seemed as though time had played a huge trick on me because I was suddenly a young child again, running and playing carefree around my mother’s hut.

I heard my name…my native name and I knew my mother was calling out to me. I tried to run to her but was held back by firm hands, it was the hands of my greedy neighbor Callistus who couldn’t get his hands off me.

“I wan go…” I tried to free myself from his grasp.

“Make I touch you once more and after dat one, you fit comot.” He whispered raspy as he clung onto my young body.

“No…I nor want make my mama know say I dey do dis kain thing…she don even dey ask me if I don know man.”

“And wetin you come tell am?” He asked me.

“I tell am say…I never know man at all.”

“You be good girl…I know say ehn…when you grow, you go fine sortee I no go fit reach you na why I begin to dey touch you since you knack seven years. I happy say I be ya first lover.” He whispered.

“Abegi make I go answer my mama… I go see you for night.” I said.

I felt as though I was floating and again, like magic I saw myself beside the village stream, Callistus and Bone Joe, were wrestling at the stream but I was unable to stop dem.

“Na my gial she be…na me introduce am to totori man…” Callistus said through gritted teeth.

“Old man like you…dem suppose lock you for prision.” Bone Joe spat.

I closed my eyes in horror as I watched fist break teeth and blood splatters on the ground as they kept wrestling.

Even now as I sank to the ground, I welcomed the strong smell of the smoke and enjoyed the blurry sight of soft fire which had engulfed the ratchet looking curtains on the wall. I heard the loud voices from the ladies outside and the heavy bang on the door as someone struggled to push it open.

“I nor know say pesin dey dia again ooo…chei…na dat small girl wey waka come hia yesterday ooo…” Moaned Awero faintly.

At that point I wasn’t feeling the parts of my body anymore and quietly I slipped into unconsciousness.

Baby Oku Spot!

I walk down the street determined to put the past solidly behind me. I felt betrayed, ‘how could doctor Gerald do this to me? And oga landlord, after his promises of marriage?’ I asked myself as I saunter down the street. I had walked for over two hours when from nowhere, heavy drops of rain began to fall, I quickly took shelter at a nearby stall and from the looks of the heavy dressed women in the stall, I knew I quickly needed to take permission.

Pushing the light curtain which barricaded the interior of the stall from view, I peeked into the stall.

“Good aftun sisters…abeg I fit stand hia till rain stop?” I asked one of the ladies, whose make-up almost ran down her face.

“You see any pesin wey dey stand for dis stall? Abi na you build am?” The lady asked me as she stepped out of the stall till she was standing close to me.

I carefully look around me and notice that I was the only one taking shade at the stall, all the other pedestrians stood far away from the stall.

“Who be dis chick?” Asked a light skinned lady who came out to join her.

The two ladies were very skimpy dressed and had strong scents of perfume on them. 

“I nor know de kain rat wey enter our stall ooo…abi na maggi we dey sell?” Another busty lady emerged from the stall and towered over me.

I fall to my kneels in a plea.

‘Sister…madam abeg nor vex…I go comot…abeg nor vex…”

“Kneel down for dia…born fool.” Shouted the busty lady.

“Na wia you from come? Wia you dey go?” Asked the first lady I encountered.

“Na my husband pursue me from house…” I say quietly.

“Hehhehehe…im catch you for on top man?” Another lady asked.

“No…ahhh… I nor be ashewo ooo.” I say.

“Wetin you talk? You nor be wetin?” Screamed the busty lady.

“I talk say…I nor be ashewo…” I continue but was cut short by a slap.

“See dis mumu ooo…na wia you dey? Na wetin dem dey call dis joint?” The fair lady asked.

“Dis na ‘Baby Oku spot’ alias ashewo joint…abi you nor dey dis area?” Asked another lady who had emerged from the stall and whose hips seemed to stretch on forever.

“Ahhhh….” I scream and clamp my mouth shut.

“Why you dey shout? You be JJC? Na wia you from come?” Asked the busty lady.

“I be Senorita…” I said with a shaky voice.

“You be wetin? Senorat?” Asked the busty lady.

“Senorita!” I echo.

“See fine name wey dis gial give herself. Come…come first, na ya mama give you dat name?” Asked the fair lady.

I nod and get a slap on the head, my ears were already ringing.

“Ahhh…Awero, Olopa dey come ooo…abeg make we sharp hustle dis gial inside…” Said the first woman I spoke to.

I was dragged into the stall with scattered tables and chairs, I walked over to sit on one chair when the chair was dragged away and I was forced to kneel on the ground. One of the women collected my small bag and sniffed through its contents.

“Idiat…who send you come? Talk now or we go dash you give police.” Said the fair lady.

“Auntie I beg.” I sob.

“Shat up…I resemble ya mama sister? Or na for yellow levels? Abeg hold ya own dia.” The fair lady spat.

“We fit use dis gial do our small waka ooo…dat man wey get biar biar wey me and am do for yesterday nor give me shi shi. I fit send dis gial make she go collect my money from am.” Said one of the ladies.

“We must first see say, dis gial nor be spy…because if she be spy ehn…our own don finish for Lagos ooo.” Said the busty lady.

“Madam,…I nor be spy…I swear.” I said as I touched the ground with the tip of my finger and touched my tongue.

“Who give you permission to speak? Hold ya lips!” Shouted the busty lady whose name I learnt was Awero and who obviously headed their leader.

I held my lips and stared at them with pleading eyes.

“You be virgin?” Asked the busty woman.

I nodded and then after second thoughts, I shook my head.

“Which one you be, virgin or not?” Asked the busty woman again.

“I be virgin…ma.” I reply.

“So man never touch you.” The busty lady added.

“Ha…I don get plenty man friend…dem dey touch me na…I for marry…” I was cut short with a quick slap.

“I ask you question if you be virgin or not, you talk say you be virgin. Now you come dey yarn rubbish.”

“I think say virgin na wen person don mature finish…” I reply.

The women fell down in heaps of laughter.

“Idiat!”

“Born fool.”

“She-goat”

They all rained insults at me. Suddenly, everywhere fell silent as through the thin curtain at the entrance of the stall, we could see the policeman walk towards us.

“Quick! Hustle am go inside…make I settle olopa.” Whispered Awero.

I was quickly taken to the back of the stall where I saw that there were a scattering of rooms. Immediately I got in, the door was shut behind me and latched, I was left there alone. Quietly I walked to the bed in the room and lay down till sleep claimed me.

Conquered!

 

I sat down at the kitchen watching the hot water boil but really my eyes weren’t on it. My gaze was focused on the kettle but my thoughts…were complicated. Since Dr. Gerald or Segun as his family knew him, came into this house, I hadn’t had peace. I stopped sleeping well and even started moping around as one who was not willing to live. Deep down I knew I loved Segun but had it not been for his father, I wouldn’t have found myself a roof after Solo kicked me out. I snapped out of my reverie when the gas was turned off instantly and I looked up to see Iya Segun glaring down at me in anger.

“Abi you wan burn house? Dis water don boil teh teh!” She says as she snaps her fingers to show me how long it had boiled.

“Mtcheew….” I hiss and proceed to remove the kettle from the burner.

“So…na my tank you be dat abi?”

“Abeg comot for my front…” I say rudely as I try to reach oga landlord’s water flask which stood on the counter behind Iya Segun.

“Come carry am na…since you nor fit talk ‘tank u’”

“Comot for my front ooo…if I use hand beat you ehn…pesin no go fit hold me ooo.” I warn.

“Ehhh…see dis small gial wey I fit born…I don die ooo.” Screamed Iya Segun as she fell to the ground screaming hysterically.

The house woke up to her screams and immediately, I realized what she was doing. She was trying to rouse her son Segun. I knew I was in a fix, if I had threatened her when Segun was not in the house, it would have been a different ball game, but now that Segun was around…
Segun burst into the kitchen in confusion,. He had heard his mother’s screams and wanted to know what was wrong. I stood at the kitchen innocently staring at Iya Segun, she was rolling on the ground and moaning.

“Mum is everything alright?” Segun asked his mother.

“Na dis gial ooo…Senorita!” Iya Segun exclaimed as she pointed at me.

Segun turned to me questioningly and I shrugged.

“What happened here? Senorita!” Segun demanded.

“I nor do am anything.” I reply.

“She push me for ground ooo.” Iya Segun screamed.

“I can’t take this nonsense anymore…I am fully aware that I’m from a polygamous home but I wouldn’t tolerate a mad house. I have to speak to my dad about this.” Segun said exasperated and walked out of the kitchen.

As soon as he walked out, Iya Segun gets up from the ground, wipes away the crocodile tears from her eyes with the edge of her wrapper and laughs hysterically.

“Ya own don finish …my son go carry you comot from dis house today.” Iya Segun laughed.

I hurriedly brush past her and stormed out of the kitchen as I headed to my future husband’s room. From the door I could hear the rapid exchange of words between oga landlord and Segun. Segun kept saying repeatedly;

 

“Senorita has to leave! You could pick any other woman but not that girl… I’m not supposed to say this but… I was her doctor and I'm privy to her medical record and she’s a home wrecker! Do you know how many homes she’s been to apart from this house?”

Oga landlord mumbled some incorrigible words that I couldn’t hear. I tried opening the door to the room but it was locked.

“Oga landlord…sugar…” I call out.

“Stay out of this Senorita!” Segun shouted.

I sniff back the tears that had begun falling from my eyes and wait paitently at the door. After a while, the two men emerge. Segun had a smug look of satisfaction on his face while oga landlord looked like he had just been dealt a heavy blow.

“Senorita…you have to go!” Oga landlord said without emotion.

I opened my mouth in shock.

“Yes…you have to go but we won’t be sending you into the streets, I would get you an accommodation somewhere far from here and you’ll also be given some money to start up a business for yourself.”

“Noooo…oga landlord…you talk say you go marry me…” I cry.

“Senorita…abeg comot for my house. Go pack ya load…” Oga landlord said, unsure of himself.

Iya Segun and Mama Jibunoh came to the scene and stood behind me, smirking all the way. I turned back and looked at them, they hiss and chuckle.

“Abeg…no send me comot… I nor get family, I nor get anybody.” I cry louder.

“Senorita please go and pack your stuff.” Segun ordered.

“Okay…if you nor want make I marry ya papa, I fit marry you abi?” I ask Segun in tears.

I feel a heavy slap at my back and cringe as Iya Segun heaps a heavy curse on me.

“Oloshi…oloriburuku ni…Aje…you wan marry my Segun. Which qualification you get? You go school? Who you be? Abeg make you know am say, dis Segun no go marry you lai lai... infact e nor fit marry any gial wey nor get qualification.” Iya Segun says.

I look at the hostile eyes which bear down on me and shake my head in self pity, looking each of them in the eye I say tearfully;

“Today na de first and last wey pesin go thruway Senorita comot for house again. I go get qualification, I must to go school and when una see me again, una nor go believe say na dat girl wey una pursue comot from house. I be Senorita the Lagos chick, and I nor leave village come Lagos for nothing.” I say silently as I walk away from them and enter my room.

There I packed up my meagre belongings and not waiting for anyone’s to show me out, I walk out through the door. I stopped when I heard my name.

“Senorita”

It was Segun, he walked up to me and handed me a bundle of naira notes.

“I am really sorry that this had to happen but I want you to know that I’m not a terrible person. Please have this for yourself, at least it would help you out till you find something meaningful to do.”

I eye him from head to toe, hiss and walk out of the house.

“If you wan do something for Senorita…you for propose marriage!” I mutter under my breath.

 

The Return!

The days passed in a blink of an eye and while Oga Landlord did my every whim, his wives made my life difficult. We lived in peace however and while I waited for my wedding date to be set, I was busily taking my wifely roles seriously. I had just turned on the television in the sitting room when I heard a knock at the door, I shrugged my shoulders and ignored the knock. I heard the knock a second time then a third but still ignored it. Suddenly, Iya Segun bursts out of the kitchen soaked in sweat and raining insults at me, she heads to the door and opens it.

“Omo mi….Segun!” She exclaims in delight as she hugs the young man who had just stepped into the house.

I turn to look at the young man and freeze in recognition. The world indeed is a small place. Lo and behold, Iya Segun was hugging my doctor. I stand up on wobbly feet and walk towards the young man who stares at me in shock.

“Senorita?” Segun says.

“Doctor Gerald.” I whisper silently. I couldn’t believe I was staring at the doctor from the mental institution.

“Senorita? Is this really you? I looked everywhere for you…” He started.

“Doki…na waka ooo…na booth I enter come find myself for far place.” I sob.

“What is the meaning of this? Wetin be dis one na? Abeg no near my son abegi.”Iya Segun screamed.

“Calm down mom…” Doctor Gerald said as he turned to face me. In a quiet voice, he said to me. “I have been so worried about you. And do pardon my mom's manners, I'm her favourite son and here at home, I'm popularly known as Segun. But is this really you?”

“Yes Docki…na me be dis ooo.”

At this point Mama Jibunoh had walked in on us. The way she clapped her hands signaled that she was in shock over fact that I and Segun were friends.

“Wetin dem dey talk? How dis one come know Segun?” Mama Jibunoh asked with anger in her voice.

“Hmmmm…dis one pass me ooo.” Shouted Iya Segun as she walked over to the sofa and sat down, with her chin in her hands.

Segun, fully aware of the confusion our discussion has made on his mother and step-mom, turned to them and said.

“Sorry Mummys, Senorita used to be my patient at the facility where I work.”

His mother stood up and holding her head, she screamed.

“Yekpa! Dis gial? Segun, nor be for mental hospital you dey work?”

“Yes ma…that’s where I work.” Segun answered innocently.

Iya Segun slowly broke into a dance and Mama Jibunoh joined her, not really knowing why they were dancing. Segun was confused and I decided to bite my nails in confusion.

“This gial…na your papa ‘new wife’ ooo... God don answer all my prayers, ya papa nor go marry mad woman, nor be for dis house ooo.” Iya Segun proclaimed with loud shouts of joy.

“What? My father’s wife? Senorita?” Segun asked in confusion.

“Yes ooo…but there’s good news!” Shouted Iya Segun.

At that moment, oga landlord steps into the sitting room. His face glows as soon as he sees his son Segun.

“Segun! Ahhh Welcome home my son!” Oga landlord booms.

Segun’s face couldn’t unregister the shock he felt moments ago but he walked over to his father and bent in greeting.

After long pleasantries have been exchanged, Iya Segun began to speak.

“My husband…Segun carry news come!”

“What kind of news?” Oga landlord asked.

“Heheheheeee...” Iya Segun laughed heartily.

At that point I had started scratching my hair, I turned to stare at everyone and they all seemed to stare at Iya Segun.

“I think I need to rest a bit…it’s been a long day.” Segun said.

“Nooo…please ooo, we must to expose this girl. She nor fit come here dey form madam wey she nor be.” Iya Segun said.

“Wait…I hope say nor be my new wife you dey run mouth for like tap.” Oga landlord warned.

“Hahahahaha… darling…” Iya Segun mocked. “Na kolo you keep for house ooo. Na mental case you wan marry so…”

Oga landlord stared at Iya Segun as he tried to comprehend her words.

“Wetin you dey talk?” Oga landlord demanded from his wife.

“Your son Segun talk say, he don treat Senorita for his mental clinic before.” Iya Segun said excitedly.

“Wetin dat one come mean?” Oga landlord asked.

“Hehehe….so you never understand the tori wey I dey yarn so…” Iya Segun mocked.

“Abegi…if you nor wan finish ya gist, carry yaself comot for my front.” Oga landlord said and turned to his son. “Segun…welcome, shebi you go stay reach two weeks.”

“I’ll be here for just one week or less…” Segun said quietly still unnerved by his discovery.

“Oya go cook food for ya pikin kia kia…carry Senorita join body…she need pesin wey go teach am to cook sef.” Oga Landlord said.

“Ahhhh… my food nor dey sweet you?” I asked quietly.

“My sweetie…your food dey sweet me well well…” Oga landlord said to me.

“What’s the meaning of this? Daddy…what are you doing with Senorita?” Segun asked, then turning to me, he asked. “Senorita! What are you doing in my house?”

“Truth to God…I nor know say na ya house be dis and na you I dey find when I commot for hospital sef…na even dat time I comot from Lagos!” I stammer. “I nor even know say Dr. Gerald be de same pesin as Segun.”

“Daddy…this girl is my patient and her life is too complicated and…” Segun started.

“Which gial? My wife? You nor know wetin you dey talk…abeg comot for my front jare. Senorita sweetie…make we enter room.” Oga landlord beckoned to me.

I hurry over to his side not really knowing whether to stay or leave. Dr. Gerald had been my crush while at the institution and now, I was about to get married to his father. How did my life get this complicated?

Oga Landlord's House Part 1

As soon as I stepped into oga landlord’s house, some unfamiliar sensation nagged at the back of my mind but I ignored it completely. Even if oga landlord’s wives would not be in the greatest of moods when they see me, I was ready to take my chance. 

While I was in Solo’s house, I had observed the landlord and his family. He lived with his two wives and about three children or grandchildren who were really so young. I used to wonder then if he didn’t have any older children but my doubt were assuaged minutes ago as I had seen some pictures of young ladies and men on the walls of the house which suggested that he had grown children.

Minutes after I entered Oga Landlord’s palace as he addressed it I was shown to a very spacious and unkempt room. It was littered with strewn clothes and old newspapers. As soon as Oga landlord showed me in, he gestured to the bed where I readily sat on. It didn’t take time before action begun and as we sweated under the dusty covers of the bed, I couldn’t help but admire the strength of Oga Landlord despite his age.

Exactly two hours after I had entered my new home, the two wives came home from the market bickering and gossiping. I was at the kitchen carrying out my new duties as the newest wife in the house and thinking to myself ‘Chai! Na so Senorita turn landlord for Lagos ooo’. 

I knew Iya Segun and Mama Jibunoh very well besides who wouldn’t? They were the women who made life difficult for most of the tenants in the house through their useless landlady schemes . Oga landlord had turned on the television in the sitting room with the volume so high and loud that it could deafen the deaf. I swayed to the heavy beat of the MTN advert on the television and hummed under my breath as I burned the eggs over the stove. I didn’t stop dancing when the two wives of the landlord walked into the kitchen with heavy market bags.

“Shio! Who be this?” Iya Segun asked aloud.

“Ahhh…Senorita! Who hire you come?” Asked Mama Jibunoh.

“Hire wetin? We talk say we want housegial?” Iya Segun boomed in her overly loud and manly voice.

I ignored the two women and continued frying the eggs and swaying to the loud sound coming from the television.

“Come ooo…Senorita! Oga Landlord hire you come?” Asked Mama Jibunoh.

I turned, stared at her and at Iya Segun and laughing softly, I continued turning the already blacked eggs in  the pot.

“Ehhhnnn…you dey see this small gial? No be question wey Mama Jibunoh dey ask you so?” Iya Segun queried.

“Abegi hol am for dia? Shio…which kain question una dey ask?” I snap.

Mama Jibunoh and Iya Segun clean their eyes with the back of their palms and stare at me in shock.

“Wetin she dey yarn?” Iya Segun asked, shocked at my outburst.

“Wait ooo…Senorita…or wetin be ya name sef. Who give you de authority to run ya mouth for we front like tap?” Mama Jibunoh asked outraged.

“Mtcheewwww…” I hissed and proceeded to turn off the heat from the stove.

Iya Segun could not take it anymore, she stormed off, screaming her husband’s name at the top of her lungs.

“Baba Ayomide! Baba Ayo!” Iya Segun screamed.

Mama Jibunoh stood and looked at me pitifully.

“Na wetin Oga Landlord tell you? My dear…dis house no be place for young gial like you. Shebi you know say oga landlord get pikin wey big pass you, dis no be ya place at all.” She advised.

“If dis place nor be my place, na how it take consign you? Abi you never marry? Gials wey dey marry for dis Lagos boku…why my own go different?” I say.

Mama Jibunoh shook her head and stared at me till Iya Segun returned to the kitchen looking exasperated.

“Your husband nor go kill me. E talk say im wan marry dis ashewo!” Iya Segun says in anger.

“Marry? For which house? Dat man nor dey pity imself. Me I nor fit fight for man with this small pikin lai lai.” Said Mama Jibunoh as she walked away from the kitchen.

“You! You! Shebi you wan live for inside this house? Na for here you go know say, rat nor get place for inside house. I go do you sortee you go fly leave dis house.”

“Hehehe…see pesin wey wan drive me commot…abegi commot from my front.” I said rudely as I carried the frying pan and black burnt eggs out of the kitchen and headed towards my future-husband’s room.

As soon as I reached oga landlord’s room door, I mutter under my breath.

“Una wan chase Senorita commot…who sigh? My leg don waka enter dis house, e nor go ever comot again lai .lai.”

*****

It was a Saturday evening and I had stayed in Oga landlord's house for two full weeks. It was the steady banters between myself and his wives that got me upset. Iya Segun and Mama Jibunoh refused to let me enjoy my marriage to oga landlord and I was already getting fed up. Oga landlord and I hadn't solemnized our togetherness but I wasn't bothered. He was my husband all the same.

I was downstairs washing my clothes when one of the occupants of the compound walked up to me and said;

"Oga Solo dey pack commot for this compound. You don see wetin you cause? You dis gial sef, e be like say u get badluck nor be small." The girl said and proceeded to walk away.

"Auntie abeg come." I beckon to her.

The girl comes back and I quickly give her a slap. The shocked girl's hands fly to her cheeks and she stares at me in shock.

"Why you slap me?" She asked in anger.

"You wan slap me back? Try am na...make my husband finish you and ya yeye family for this compound. Abeg waka comot for my front jare...yeye dey smell." I warned.

The girl walked away still nursing her cheeks but my mind couldn't stray from the words she uttered. What does she mean that Oga Solo was moving out of the house. I knew I had to find out for myself so I hastily left my clothes and went to Solo's apartment. 

His bags were outside and he was in the house conversing with some tenants. I heard their voices very clearly as though they were talking to me.

"Solo...you too dey cool ooo. All these while, I believe say dat gial Senorita be ya side chick. I nor know say una nor dey do at all." Said one of the neighbours who was known for beating his wife every other night.

"Chei...you disappoint me ooo. Solo, so you mean say that gial use you do wayo. You sure say she nor dey target landlord since? Some gials dey use pesin to get to pesin. Gials of nowadays dey evil ooo...my guy, look yaself well. Look ya house sef. Na so you pack enter dis house? Dis gial chop you big time." Said another neighbour whose drunken antics woke up the compound every night.

"Hmmm...I guess I over worked the good Samaritan in me this time. But all the same, I need to move on with my life and make sure that I'm never taken for a ride again." Solo said.

"Abeg I fit take dis ya iron? My own don spoil and I nor get money to repair am." Said the first neighbour.

"You can have it...it's not as good as it used to be. Thank you guys for your help, I'll be leaving now." Solo said.

At that moment, I knew I had to either go inside the house and bid him a proper goodbye or turn and leave as I came. I quickly rushed into his house and the astonishment of the other men couldn't have deterred me more.

"Solo." I whispered.

"What are you doing here?" Solo asked in a pained voice.

The two men hurriedly left even though they were itching to listen to our conversation.

"I nor know say you dey pack commot...you for tell me."

"Tell you what? So that you can run me dry as you did before. Sorry, but I was fooled once and I wouldn't make that mistake again."

"I just wan say thank you for everything you do for me. I know say you nor go believe me but if not for you ehn, I nor go know wia I for be. Even my sister from village, Janet, nor helep me like you."

"This is medicine after death. You should have thanked me better by being smart and not allowing that useless swindler use you again the second time. But, why am I saying all this? I wonder why I'm crying over spilt milk. It's all over."

"I just wan tell you say, anything wey you wan make I do for you, I fit do am."

Solo threw his head back and gave a loud shout of laughter.

"Please leave my house, I need to leave now and you're in my way."

"Abeg nor throway my thank you..." I continued but was interrupted my the loud shout of my name. It was the landlord.

"Senorita Baby!" Oga landlord screamed.

I could hear his wives laughter and insults as they heaped curses on him for procuring a woman much younger that they. They too mimicked my name as they added words like 'oloriburuku' to it.

"Abeg Solo...nor ever forget me ooo." I said while trying to ignore the commotion going on upstairs.

Solo forced out a chuckle. "You ruined my life. How would I ever forget you?'

I took that as a positive response and turned to go but Solo's words stopped me.

"Are you really going to live like this? As the bed mate of an old man who has lived his prime? My advice to you is, go out, work hard, make money and get an education, you need that." 

'You dey insult me?" I ask.

"No...I'm telling you the truth. In a world like this, you can continue with your level of IQ. You need to be sharp, articulate and sensible. I'm sorry to say this but you are a very foolish girl Senorita. After all I did to make you an better person..." He trailed off.

"Solo... I come thank you ooo. I nor come to hear ya insults." I finish off.

My name resounds again and this time I respond.

"I dey come ooo...my sugarcane."

Oga Landlord had instructed me to give him a pet name and I had chosen 'sugar cane' since it's one of the sweetest crop I've ever eaten.

Solo shook his head while I hurried upstairs to face the newest phase of my life. As I climbed up the stairs I said aloud.

"Senorita don give thanks, if e nor wan hear, na him palava...as for me, na to dey climb to d top be my own."